Sure, you could send some flirty memes or flirty texts, but those don’t always get a reply, and while they may help open the door, they won’t help you get to know her better. Asking the right questions in the right tone, however, can really get the conversation going. “Flirting is the beginning of intimacy, and the right kinds of flirtatious questions can deepen that intimacy,” says Beth Darling, a former divorce lawyer turned sex and relationships counselor and author of The 5 Kinds of Intimacy: How to Keep Your Love Alive. “People think that love is the requirement for a relationship, but truly, love alone isn’t enough. If you don’t have intimacy, you don’t have a relationshipyou have a roommate.”

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How to strike the right tone

OK, so you want to ask questions … but what are the right flirty questions to ask a girl? It depends on the relationship, Darling says. What you ask will be very different for a long-term girlfriend or wife versus someone you’ve just met. For the former, you might also incorporate flirty nicknames for your significant other to make things more intimate, whereas with a newer relationship, you’ll want to keep things lighter.

Her next pro tip: Don’t go straight to sex talk, especially in new relationships. “People hear the word intimacy and assume it means sex, but they’re not the same thing,” she says. “There is a wide range of ways to flirt, and the goal with asking flirty questions is to get to know the other person, not get in their pants.”

Last, base your next move on her response. One girl’s “flirting” is another girl’s “ew, stop.” Test out the waters with a flirty question or two, and if she responds positively, continue the conversation. If she doesn’t, respect her boundaries and move on to a different kind of chat. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Flirty questions to ask a girl you just met

• When is the last time someone made you blush?
• If we could spend the whole night together, what would you want to do?
• If your life was a rom-com, what would your theme song be?
• What is the cheesiest pickup line anyone’s ever tried on you? Did it work?
• Can I see the last selfie you took? Tell me the story behind it.
• Do you believe in fate, or do you think we create our own destiny?
• How direct would you want someone to be if they had feelings for you?
• If you were in a biker gang, what would your nickname be?
• What’s a hidden talent you have that most people don’t know about?
• Are you a morning person or a night owl? And do you prefer morning dates or evening dates?
• What’s your favorite cuisine, and what dish should we try together?
• What was the best thing that happened to you today?
• What’s a song that you’ll never admit to liking but secretly love?
• If you could have a romantic dinner with anyone from history, who would it be?
• What’s one movie you feel super passionate about?
• Has anyone ever told you that you are the most stunning woman in the world?
• Are you a cat or dog person? Would you like to meet my cat/dog?
• What’s your favorite guilty pleasure?
• What’s your favorite way to spend a rainy day?
• What’s one fact you wish every guy (or girl) understood?
• What’s the silliest argument you’ve ever gotten into with a stranger?
• What always makes you laugh?

Trying to break the ice? These cheesy pickup lines are guaranteed to get a laugh.

Flirty questions to ask a girl you have a crush on

• What’s the top song on your make-out playlist?
• Would you rather spend a whole day with me or a whole night with me?
• Do you scream on roller coasters? What if you were holding my hand?
• Who was your celebrity crush when you were growing up?
• Would you be more likely to say yes to bar trivia night or a sunrise hike for a date?
• What’s your favorite couples Halloween costume?
• Have you ever been kicked out of a public place, and if so, what’s the story?
• What’s your idea of a perfect date?
• What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
• What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
• If you could kiss any fictional character, who would it be?
• What’s your idea of a perfect weekend getaway?
• What’s your go-to dance move, and can I see it?
• What do romance movies get wrong most of the time?
• If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
• What’s the most disturbing thing under your bed?
• If you had to watch the same movie every day for a month, what would it be?
• If you designed your ideal dating app, what would it look like?
• Which is better: makeup sex or breakup sex?
• What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

Of course, there’s nothing sexier than humor. These flirty knock-knock jokes just might be the boost you need to get out of the friend zone.

Flirty questions to ask a new girlfriend

• What’s your favorite place to be kissed?
• If you were an ice cream cone, would you prefer to be licked or bitten?
• Little spoon or big spoon?
• Do you think Spider-Man’s upside-down kiss in the rain with Mary Jane was really hot or really gross? Would you ever want to recreate it?
• What’s your favorite way to relax after a long day?
• Which do you like more: good-morning texts or good-night texts?
• Which would you be more scared of: skinny-dipping at a public beach or wearing a snowsuit on a nude beach?
• What’s your go-to outfit for feeling sexy?
• What’s your love language?
• What’s your most romantic travel destination?
• What do you do if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep?
• What first attracted you to me?
• What’s one movie that you wish could be real life?
• Do you like surprises?
• What’s something that you love but you’re not sure why?
• If you could take off one piece of my clothing, which would it be?
• Do you ever go commando? Would you tell me if you did?
• What do you think about right before you fall asleep?
• What’s your favorite thing about being in a relationship?
• What makes you feel safe with someone?
• What’s your favorite flower?

Once you have that bit of knowledge, you can follow up with a very special flower delivery. (See, you pay attention!)

Flirty questions to ask a long-time love or wife

• Which is sexier: me doing the dishes or me vacuuming?
• Foot rub or back rub?
• What’s a funny signal or word we can use to say we want to hook up without the kids understanding what we’re talking about?
• If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be and why?
• Can you describe your favorite movie kiss?
• Do you remember the first time I told you “I love you”?
• Do you remember the first time you said “I love you” to me?
• If we recreated our first date, would you change anything?
• If I asked you to take off one piece of clothing, what would you pick?
• What’s your favorite thing about being married/partnered?
• What are you most excited about for our future together?
• What do you love about me?
• Can I tell you what I love most about you?
• What is the best gift someone has ever gotten you?
• What smell reminds you of me?
• Lights on, lights off or candles?
• When did you first realize that you were in love with me?
• Want to know when I first realized I was falling for you?
• What’s the best vacation we’ve ever taken together?
• What’s your favorite outfit that I wear?
• Hey, how YOU doin’?? (Wink, wink)

To keep the romance going, check out these date ideas that will strengthen your connection.

Flirty questions to spice up a relationship

• If you could dip anything into chocolate and then eat it, what would it be?
• What’s the top song on your sexy playlist right now?
• What is your favorite part of your body? Can I guess it?
• Are you more turned on by smell, sight or touch?
• What is your ultimate fantasy?
• What is your favorite part of my body, and can you describe it without words?
• What’s your biggest non-traditional turn-on?
• Which Britney Spears song would you most like to act out?
• If you were cake, what kind of filling would you have?
• You have 10 minutes alone with me, and I can’t say no. What do you do?
• Shower, pool or hot tub?
• Back rubs in the front room or front rubs in the back room?
• What’s your favorite kind of foreplay?
• Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?
• What color underwear do you think I’m wearing right now?
• What question are you hoping I’ll ask you?

If this is putting you in the mood for love, find out the best ways to be romantic and sweep her off her feet.

About the expert

• Beth Darling, JD, Esq., is a former divorce lawyer who decided she’d rather help couples get together than split apart. She now works as a sex and relationship counselor and is the author of The 5 Kinds of Intimacy: How to Keep Your Love Alive and Love and Laughter: Sexy (Meaningful) Fun for Everyone.

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Halloweenmight primarily be a scary holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not also pretty darn funny. While you’re coming up with the best ideas forHalloween costumes, get a laugh (and maybe some inspiration!) from these silly Halloween jokes, which poke fun at your favorite ghosts and ghouls. They’re not so scary when you can laugh at them, right?

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Halloween dad jokes

Q: What do you get when you put a spider on an ear of corn?
A: A cobweb.

Q: What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?
A: A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.

Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: What is a pause in work at a mortuary called?
A: A coffin break.

Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.

Q: Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A: Nounless you Count Dracula!

Q: How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten.

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there.

Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!

Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea.

Q: Why are zombies so hard to understand?
A: They’re very crypt-ic.

Dad jokes are always funny, and they pair perfectly with Halloween jokes for kids!

Funny Halloween jokes

Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink?
A: Anything with boos.

Q: What are a monster’s favorite pets?
A: Creepy crawlies.

Q: What did people say when the Headless Horseman started dating a zombie?
A: He’s lost his head!

Q: What is a mummy’s favorite sandwich?
A: A head cheese wrap.

Q: What’s in a ghost’s nose?
A: Boo-gers.

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing cream.

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!

Q: What did the mommy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”

Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry?
A: Spooktacles.

Q: Why do female ghosts go on a diet?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figure.

Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.

Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them.

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-boo!

Q: What’s a monster’s favorite show?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet.

Q: What’s a mummy’s favorite way to relax?
A: Solving cryptograms.

Halloween jokes for kids

Q: Why did the vampire fail art?
A: He only knew how to draw blood.

Q: On which street did the zombie buy a home?
A: The one with the dead end.

Q: What does a zombie call his parents?
A: Mummy and Deady.

Q: Why is Christmas a mummy’s favorite holiday?
A: He gets to do all the wrapping.

Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein!

Q: How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place?
A: They use scare-spray.

Q: Why do vampires have a hard time making friends?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck.

Q: How do you know a skeleton is sick?
A: He’s coffin.

Q: What do ghosts tell around the campfire?
A: Scary human stories.

Q: Where do deviled eggs come from?
A: Evil hens.

Q: Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work?
A: Day scare!

Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock.

Q: How can you tell if a ghost is scared?
A: He’s white as a sheet.

Q: What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer?
A: Finger food!

Q: What did the child mummy want to be when he grew up?
A: A wrap star.

Q: How did the jack-o’-lantern become a murderer?
A: He squashed someone.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: What do you call a Halloween monster who is really bad at scaring people?
A: A Halloweenie!

If you’re throwing a monster mash this year, check out the best Halloween party ideas, including Halloween bingo, to play with the group.

Halloween jokes for adults

Q: What does Elon Musk do on Halloween?
A: He goes trick-or-tweeting.

Q: Why did they discontinue making spider silk pants?
A: They looked great, but the fly kept getting stuck.

Q: Why did the mummy never take a vacation day?
A: He didn’t know how to unwind.

Q: How many skeletons do you have in your closet?
A: None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.

Q: What type of Halloween books do pumpkins write?
A: Pulp fiction.

Q: Why did the zombie get kicked out of church?
A: It tried to eat the organ.

Q: What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
A: Wait for itit will dawn on you.

Q: Why are monsters so into astrology?
A: They love reading their horror-scope.

Q: What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.

Q: What do ghosts order at the bar?
A: Boos. And then they leave sheet-faced.

Q: What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol?
A: They get smashed.

Q: How do you buy things on the dark web?
A: With crypt-ocurrency!

Q: What is the best Halloween pickup line?
A: Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.

Q: How did the real estate agent sell a home with a dozen witches in the bathtub?
A: By noting it comes complete with a self-cleaning coven.

Q: What did the vampire say to his hangry friend?
A: Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.

Q: What did the ghost say when he found out he’d been scammed?
A: It seems I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!

Q: What do skeletons do at wild parties?
A: Pass around a joint.

If you’ve got a dark sense of humor, you’ll love these dark jokes on Halloween and beyond.

Funny witch jokes

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.

Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service.

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the W.

Q: What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?
A: A sand-witch.

Q: What do you call two witches who live together?
A: Broom-mates.

Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: How do you turn off the lights on Halloween?
A: Use the lights-witch.

Q: Did you hear about the witch who got really angry while on her broomstick?
A: She flew off the handle.

Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So you can tell which witch is witch.

Q: Why did the witch’s feet hurt after a long day?
A: She had candy corns.

In the mood for a little magic? Watch one of these classic witch movies.

Funny vampire jokes

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.

Q: Why did the vampire read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite.

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q: What’s a vampire’s least-favorite food?
A: Stake.

Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.

Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern ”

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!

Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: A bloodhound.

Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving.

Q: What restaurant should you never take a vampire to?
A: A stake house.

To create a scary Halloween costume this year, learn how to make fake blood. Going as a vampire is just one option, of course!

Funny skeleton jokes

Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
A: They have no body to love.

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite dinner?
A: Spare ribs.

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a skeleton key to unlock the gates!

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone.

Q: Are skeletons good at painting?
A: No, they prefer making skull-ptures.

Q: What does a French skeleton say?
A: Bone-jour!

Q: Why can’t the skeleton play church hymns?
A: Because she has no organs.

Q: What do you say to a skeleton stuck in the snow?
A: You numb-skull!

We’ve got more where that came from! Here are more Halloween puns you can’t help but find “humerus.”

Halloween knock-knock jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby Halloween!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cryI’m a friendly ghost!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivanna.
Ivanna who?
Ivanna suck your blood!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ooze.
Ooze who?
Ooze your favorite Halloween monster, and why isn’t it me?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda go out trick-or-treating with me tonight?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe give me Halloween candy?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for your Halloween party!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are asking all these questions?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woo.
Woo who?
Woo-hoo! It’s finally Halloween!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Witches.
Witches who?
Witches the way to the haunted house?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my Halloween bucket!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima do a trick if you don’t gimme a treat.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans off my candy, Mom!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and answer the door! It’s cold out here.

Go all out this year with these creepy-fun outdoor Halloween decorations.

Corny Halloween jokes

Q: What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
A: I scream!

Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
A: Straw-berries.

Q: What room will you never find in a ghost’s house?
A: A living room.

Q: What is a ghost’s favorite position to play in hockey?
A: Ghoulie.

Q: How do you know a cemetery is popular?
A: People are just dying to get in.

Q: What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance?
A: The muenster mash.

Q: Why was the witch’s broom late?
A: It over-swept.

Q: How do you know if a skeleton is funny?
A: He has a humerus.

Q: Why did the Headless Horseman go to school?
A: To get ahead in life.

Q: Who should you hire to write a book about Halloween?
A: A ghost writer.

Q: Why are vampires terrible at baseball?
A: Their bats fly away.

Q: What do ghost brides carry on their wedding day?
A: Boo-quets.

Q: What’s the best compliment to give a vampire?
A: “You suck.”

Q: What is a zombie’s favorite food?
A: Human beans.

Q: Why did the policeman arrest the ghost scaring children on Halloween?
A: She didn’t have a haunting license.

Now that you’ve giggled your way through these Halloween jokes, scare yourself silly with these creepy photos.

Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it.

Additional reporting by Andy Simmons.

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The post 130 Halloween Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone appeared first on Reader's Digest.

Best friends Sydney L. and Marie M., both 27, met in a church group and hung out or talked nearly every day for a year, sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings. And then one day, Marie says, “Sydney just stopped replying to my calls and messages with no warning or explanation at all. She ghosted me.” It’s an all-too-familiar experience, but what is ghosting, exactly? And more important, why is it so hurtful?

Ghostingthe practice of ending all communication with someone without giving an explanationcan happen in any type of relationship, including between romantic partners, friends, co-workers and family. And it’s more common than you may think. In a 2019 YouGov survey, one-third of U.S. adults confessed to doing it in an interpersonal relationship, while a 2021 Indeed survey found that 77% of job seekers reported being ghosted by a potential employer (and 18% of applicants confessed to doing the ghosting).

“Ghosting may be an incredibly common practice, but that doesn’t make it less rude or unkind,” says Jeff Temple, PhD, a licensed psychologist, professor and relationship researcher at the University of Texas Medical Branch. “It’s one of the most hurtful things you can do to another person.” In other words, ghosting isn’t just Gen Z slang for ditching a relationship; it’s also poor etiquette.

Marie agrees. Left feeling confused and heartbroken, she tried to follow up several times with Sydney, even a year after the ghosting happened. “I tried apologizing for anything I could think of, but nothing worked. I haven’t heard a word from her since,” she explains. “I’ve had to accept that I’ll never know why she decided to end our friendship. And I can honestly say that the pain of losing that deep friendship hurt worse than any romantic breakup I’ve been through. It took me a long time to get over the pain of that.”

Sound familiar? Ghosting is just as gutting in a romanceyou’ve used your best Tinder pickup lines and pulled together some truly epic romantic date ideas only to have the other person simply stop responding. To help you deal with (and better understand) this common occurrence, we asked experts to explain everything you need to know about ghosting. Read on to find out their top tips.

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What does ghosting mean?

Before you can really understand how ghosting might affect you, you need a grasp of the basics. So, what is ghosting? “Ghosting is exactly what it sounds like: It’s silently disappearing from someone’s life, like a ghost,” says Ramani Durvasula, PhD, an author, licensed clinical psychologist, professor of psychology at California State UniversityLos Angeles and expert in toxic relationships. “The person cuts off all communication, without warning or explanation.”

It’s not a new concept, though the word itself is relatively recent. It started appearing with this modern definition in the early 2000s, and Merriam-Webster added it to the dictionary in 2017.

Though the term ghosted is so ubiquitous that it became the title of an Apple TV+ movie (in which, of course, the leading man is ghosted by a woman he hooked up with), you may also encounter ghosting synonyms, including fadeaway and swerve. (It’s called an Irish exit if you choose to “ghost” and leave a party rather than saying goodbye.)

Ghosting is most common in datingparticularly dating online or through appsbut can also happen in any type of interpersonal or professional relationship, says Gabriela Reyes, LMFT, a licensed therapist in San Jose, California, and an expert in social media etiquette and relationships for the dating app Chispa.

Why do people ghost?

People ghost others for many reasons, Temple says: concern about hurting the other person, fear that they won’t be able to handle their own feelings, a desire to avoid the consequences of the break or to move on quickly, embarrassment or because it takes less time than talking. “Occasionally, someone will even unintentionally ghost because they are forgetful,” he adds.

But the most common reason people go incommunicado is simply because it’s easier than having a difficult conversation.

“Many people weren’t taught what healthy adult communication looks like in relationships, so they default to the easiest way outghosting,” Durvasula says. Basically, they never learned the etiquette for discussing potentially painful subjects, or they don’t know how to say no, so they just stop talking instead, she says.

What are the signs of ghosting?

Knowing what is ghosting and what is not can help you both make sense of the communication issues you’re encountering and avoid disappearing on others. The telltale sign that you’ve been ghosted is that the other person becomes totally unresponsive to any type of communication, Reyes says. Here’s what that may look like:

• Your texts are left on “read” (or aren’t opened at all).
• You can no longer see their social media profiles.
• You are blocked from messaging them on social media.
• They’ve disconnected from you on dating and/or social apps.
• They don’t answer your phone calls.
• They avoid you in person or find excuses to avoid places where you’ll be.
• They ask mutual friends to not tell you about them.
• They dodge invitations to meet up.

Ghosting often happens out of the blue, but sometimes you may see signs of other rude conversation habits, including a fadeaway before the total cessation of communication, Temple says. Signs that someone is fading away may include:

• They take days to respond to your texts or calls.
• They bail on plans with you at the last minute.
• They talk about only vague or superficial things with you.
• They don’t invite you out, text you or otherwise initiate communication.
• They employ “breadcrumbing” or give you just little bits of attention sporadically.

If you’re cringing while reading this, that’s because these things do hurteven when coming from casual acquaintances or at work, Durvasula says. “We all have a very basic and beautiful need for human connection, and ghosting strikes at the core of that,” she says.

At best, being ghosted leaves you feeling confused, worried and frustrated. At worst, it makes you question your self-worth, leaving you with a lot of unanswered questions that can make you feel bad for a long time.

What should you do if you’ve been ghosted?

There isn’t a lot you can do to fix things if you’re the one being ghostedafter all, what is ghosting but a sudden end to a relationship without the opportunity to repair it? But our experts have some tips for dealing and healing.

Stop reaching out after three tries

You can try one to three times to reach out and see if there was a miscommunication, but if they still don’t reply, proper etiquette says you should respect their boundaries and unspoken desire for ceased communicationas painful and confusing as that may be, Temple says.

Don’t get others involved

Another common etiquette mistake Durvasula sees is the snubbed person using mutual friends or family as a go-between. “It’s tempting to ask a friend to talk to the ‘ghoster’ to get some answers, but it rarely works out positively,” she says. “More likely, it will make the situation worse and put the middle person in an awkward position.”

Vent to an uninvolved party

You shouldn’t talk to your “ghost” or complain (even politely!) to mutual connections. But you can and should vent about the problem to a good friend or family member who can provide support and remind you that you are loved, Temple says.

Do some serious self-care

Prioritize taking care of yourself physically and mentally, Reyes says. “Unfortunately, ghosting is common, and if you’ve been ghosted after dedicating a lot of energy to someone, it can be very draining,” she says. “Take some extra time to rest and recover.”

Self-care could include spending more time on a hobby you love, focusing more on other relationships in your life, exercising, meditating, indulging in comfort foods or activities, or meeting new people.

Get therapy

Being ghosted can make you wonder what you did wrong or doubt your relationship skills or sense of self. You likely won’t get answers from the other person, but a therapist can help you navigate these issues in an introspective way, Durvasula says. “A good therapist can help you find a sense of closure within yourself and move on in a healthy way.”

Keep building relationships

It’s common to withdraw socially after being ghosted, but that only makes you feel more isolated and reinforces negative feelings. Don’t let being ghosted stop you from trying to make or deepen connections with others, Reyes says. It may not have worked out with this one person, but you aren’t broken, and you deserve positive relationships of all kinds. Focus on both nurturing existing relationships and forming new ones.

How can you avoid ghosting someone?

Ghosting is an etiquette mistake at best and incredibly unkind at worst. “You should avoid ghosting others if possible,” Temple says. “In the end, having a conversation generally works out better for both parties, even if it’s tough.”

If you’re tempted to fade away or ghost someone, start by putting yourself in their shoes and think about how you’d feel. “A little empathy goes a long way,” he says.

Nervous about having a hard conversation? Practice it in advance with someone else or write it out to build your confidence and clarify your thoughts. This is a good time to consider your non-negotiables and the boundaries you’d like for the relationship, Durvasula adds. (Remember, boundaries are simply things you will or won’t dothey don’t control another person’s behavior.)

Then just do it. “It’s never going to feel easier, and waiting only prolongs the anxiety, for you and them,” Temple says.

If you’re someone who has difficulty remembering to respond to texts and messages (thereby inadvertently ghosting someone), set a time each day to go through your phone, looking for any missed calls or messages and responding to them. Better to get a daily notification reminder than practice poor texting etiquette.

Is it ever OK to ghost someone?

In a twist of irony, Marie admits to ghosting a few people herselfon dating apps. “If I go on a first date and it doesn’t click, I just disconnect from them on the app,” she says. “We don’t need to have a conversation about it.”

There are a few occasions, including when using dating apps, when ghosting may be an appropriate move, our experts say. For instance, if you encounter any relationship red flags, you may want to go into ghost mode.

On most dating apps, ghosting people you’ve only communicated with briefly is accepted and even expected, as people are connecting with many potential dates at once, Reyes says. Any unsolicited sexts are another good reason to just cut off communication. But if you’ve gone on more than one date or had long, personal conversations, give the person some closure with a goodbye message so they’re not left hanging.

Similarly, ghosting isn’t necessarily bad business etiquette. It’s so common in the job market because people are making many connections at the same time, and it isn’t efficient to talk with everyone. Employers can’t respond to every resume or application, and job seekers sometimes can’t respond to every company that reaches out. But if you’ve had some back-and-forth communication and moved past the beginning stages of interviewing, it’s a kindness to give the other party a quick “I won’t be moving forward with this application at this time, thanks.”

The other situation in which ghosting isn’t just appropriate but may be necessary is when you are ending a relationship and are worried that the other person will react in a violent or abusive way, Durvasula says. “Abusers will try to manipulate you through communication, so it’s best to cut that off totally,” she says. “Put your safety first, and in the case of abuse, ghosting is often the best and safest option.”

Relationships are complicated because people are complicated. Chances are, you will find yourself in situations where one person wants to end the relationship. In most situations, the polite and kind thing to do is practice good communication and avoid ghosting the other person.

About the experts

• Jeff Temple, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, professor and the John Sealy Distinguished Chair in community health at the University of Texas Medical Branch. He’s the director of the Center for Violence Prevention and has more than 230 scholarly publications in a variety of high-impact journals, including JAMA.
• Ramani Durvasula, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at California State UniversityLos Angeles. She’s the author of two books on difficult relationships and is a renowned expert in toxic relationships and narcissism, with a YouTube channel that has nearly 1.5 million followers.
• Gabriela Reyes, LMFT, is a relationship etiquette expert for the dating app Chispa and a licensed therapist in San Jose, California.

Sources:

• YouGov: “Have you ever ‘ghosted’ someone?”
• Indeed: “Employer Ghosting: A Troubling Workplace Trend”
• Merriam-Webster: “A New Meaning of the Verb ‘Ghost'”

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“My husband gave me a gift card for my birthday, and it took me six months to work up the nerve to use it. I was that freaked out,” says 42-year-old Rodriguez, who lives in Staten Island, New York. “When I first walked in, the massage therapist told me to ‘undress to your comfort level,’ and I was like, ‘Ma’am, nothing about this is comfortable!'”

Rodriguez says her massage therapist looked her straight in the eye and told her to take a deep breath and relax or “I might as well light my gift card on fire, and if my husband wanted to gift me a bonfire, he would have.” The comment made her laugh, and that’s when she knew she’d found the right massage therapist for her. Since then, she’s been going back once a monthand she always makes it a point to leave a great tip.

But what, exactly, is the tipping etiquette when it comes to massage therapy? Does it differ from how much to tip a hairdresser or how much to tip at a nail salon? And do you always have to tip, or is tipping etiquette different around the world? Rodriguez is certainly not alone in her confusion and discomfort when it comes to how to tip for a massage, but that’s no reason to miss out on what she calls “one of the biggest little pleasures of life.” So we asked experts to share everything you need to know about how much to tip for a massage.

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Is it customary to tip for a massage?

In the United States, massage therapists may work privately, at a spa or as part of a medical office. They can be paid per session or hourly, and they’re usually not getting all of the money you’re paying for a treatment. Let’s say your deep-tissue massage costs $80. A tip isn’t included in that bill, and much of the fee goes to the spa or medical facility, with your massage therapist getting only a percentage. Tips can make a huge difference to how much they bring home each night.

“You should always tip something after a massageit’s rude not to,” says Beth Rose, a licensed massage therapist and business owner in Kennewick, Washington. “We are providing a service. Plus, massage is hard physical work! A good tip gives us an incentive to serve you better the next time.”

And speaking of tipping requirements, don’t forget that you need to tip for pizza delivery too!

How much should you tip for a massage?

Basic etiquette rulessayto tip 20% of the bill, according to Valerie Sokolosky, an etiquette expert and the author of Do It Right, a comprehensive etiquette guide. “Trust that the massage therapist or their boss will adjust charges based on the services rendered and the time, so you don’t need to calculate anything extra beyond the flat percentage,” she explains.

For instance, a regular massage may be $50 for 60 minutes, in which case you would tip $10, making your total cost $60. The same spa may offer a 90-minute deep-tissue massage for $200, making your tip $40 and your final cost $240.

If you feel like the massage therapist went above and beyond in providing excellent service, feel free to tip more, up to 25% or 30%, Sokolosky adds.

How should you tip for a massage?

“Most massage therapists prefer to be tipped in cash,” says Rose, adding that you can give the cash directly to the therapist at the end of your appointment. “Cash is immediate, so you don’t have to wait for your paycheck, and they don’t take taxes out.”

That said, it’s perfectly fine to add a tip on your credit card bill if that is your preference, she adds.

Should you tip if you’re using a coupon or gift certificate?

Yes, you should tip at least 20% based on the regular cost of the service, even if you’re using a coupon or gift certificate, says Sokolosky. So if a massage normally costs $100, tip $20 even if you have a coupon that discounts the massage to $90 or a gift card that covers the full cost. Skipping or reducing a tip when using a coupon is one of the most common etiquette mistakes, so be sure you don’t fall into that trap!

The one exception? Some gift-givers choose to include the tip in the amount they put on a gift card. They might give you a $60 gift certificate to use on a $50 Swedish massage, noting in the card that the gift is good for “one massage and $10 tip.” In that case, you don’t need to tip even more.

How much should you tip for a massage during the holidays?

It isn’t standard to tip more for a massage during the holidays, but if you have a regular relationship with a particular therapist, a holiday bonus is a nice gesture.The question, of course, is how much to tip for a massage in this case. Sokolosky suggests giving an amount equal to the cost of one appointment. Put cash in an envelope with a nice thank-you note.

You may also want to consider tipping a little more for other special occasions and services, like a honeymoon couples’ massage or an in-home visit. “It’s not expected, but it is a nice surprise,” says Rose.

Do you have to tip if the massage therapist is the spa owner?

This is a bit of a gray area, says Rose, who owns her own spa. “I don’t expect people to really tip when they come to me,” she says. “I set the prices at what I think is fair, and I have little overhead, so the whole price of the massage goes straight to me. But everyone tips anyway, which I really appreciate.”

Do you have to tip for a massage at an all-inclusive resort?

“All-inclusive” means that tipping isn’t required. That said, most people will still tip service workers, including massage therapists, a small amount, perhaps $5 to $10.

Rather than tipping after every massage, it’s customary to tip once at the end of your resort stay, says Rose, adding that it’s best to hand cash directly to your massage therapist. The same is true for other service workers, such as hotel housekeeping.

Do you need to tip if your massage wasn’t great?

Your massage therapist went to town with the face massage tools, and you weren’t into it at all. We’ve all been there, wondering how much to tip for a less-than-stellar massageand whether we could skip out without leaving a tip at all. Know this: You should still tip your massage therapist even if you weren’t 100% satisfied, says Sokolosky.

Rose agrees. “You should always tipsomething,” she says. “They usually do at least one or two things right even if the whole thing isn’t perfect.”

And the next time you get a massage, save yourself a bad experience by speaking up. According to Rose, a good massage therapist will check in with you regularly during the massage to make sure it’s a good experience. “I ask questions throughout the session to make sure they’re happy and adjust if needed,” she says. “If you are unhappy with something, you should speak up right then so we can fix it.”

When should you skip a tip?

Massage therapists who work in medical settingsthink chiropractic offices, physical therapy practices and hospitalsusually don’t get tips, says Sokolosky. The massage is considered a medical treatment, and the bill goes through insurance, so you don’t pay anything at the time of service.

Massage therapists in medical settings are often paid a salary or an hourly rate, regardless of whether or not they have clients, so all payment is taken care of by the employer, says Rose.

If all this talk of tipping has you opting for a DIY massage instead, give one of these ahh-mazing scalp massagers a try.

Sources:

• Angel Rodriguez, regular spa customer
• Beth Rose, licensed massage therapist and business owner in Kennewick, Washington
• Valerie Sokolosky, etiquette expert and author of Do It Right

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What is email etiquette?

Email is a part of nearly every facet of modern life. From an important report for your boss to an informal note for a family member, email is one of the main ways we communicate. That means that in addition to knowing everyday etiquette rules, top-notch email skills are essential. Email etiquette is the collection of polite habits and unspoken rules that help us digitally communicate in an efficient and professional way.

Since you use email all the time, you might think youve got this covered. But similar to wedding etiquette, email etiquette rules can be very specialized and change quickly. That’s why we’ve rounded up the most important email etiquette rules for you to follow.

Why is email etiquette important?

“Your emails are often the bestand sometimes onlydemonstration of the quality of your communication skills,” says technology etiquette expert Michele L. Olivier, CEO of O&H Consulting. “Good email etiquette makes a good impression on others, isan important job skilland reduces inbox anxiety for the sender and the receiver.”

Plus, proper email etiquette doesnt just cover social, cultural and professional aspectsit also encompasses some unique technological rules, says Toni Dupree, CEO of Etiquette & Style by Dupree. Because of the rapidly evolving nature of technology, what’s “good” and “bad” changes frequently.

Thankfully, you don’t need to take an etiquette class to help you stay on top of the latest trends. We asked etiquette experts to share the most current rules so you can make the right impression every time you hit send.

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Email etiquette tips

Use your name in your email address

Stinkybutt28@hotmail.com might have been funny back in the day, but it’s time to get rid of that old account. Email addresses are used for everything from making doctor’s appointments to applying for jobs, so adults need a normal, easy-to-understand email address. Stick to using a combination of your name and a few numbers when creating an email account. (This, of course, is very different from creating a strong email password.) Don’t worry: You can always forward messages from your old accounts to your new one so you don’t have to start from scratch.

Separate business and personal emails

If you’re sending a professional email, make sure to use your business email account. Most companies will assign you an email address with their name on it, but if they don’t, you can always create a separate email address strictly for business. This makes you look legitimate and professional and reduces the likelihood of embarrassing email mistakes. If you want to stick to one email account, at least sort work emails into a separate folder. While we’re on the topic, here’s how the most productive people manage their emails.

Craft a short, informative signature

One of the best tools for writing a good email is the signature that automatically appears at the bottom of every email you send, says Georgene Huang, CEO and co-founder of Fairygodboss, a career counseling service for women. Include your full name, job title (if using a business email) and contact information, like a phone number, website or social media account. Some people now also include their preferred pronouns.

Save the funny GIFs for a text

Several years ago, fancy formatting in emails was all the rage, but these days, the rule is to keep it simple, especially in your signature. Nix the cutesy fonts, sparkly GIFs, multiple colors and random quotes. Many people find them irritating, and some phone email programs aren’t able to import them properly, so your formatting may not come across correctly on mobile devices.

Get to the point right away

Generally speaking, email is an information-sharing tool, so most of the time, people prefer to read concise, to-the-point messages. There’s no need to fluff it up with unnecessary details or vague pleasantries, particularly if you’re sending a business email. You can be brief without being blunt or rude. According to email etiquette experts, it’s also helpful to include what you’re asking the reader to dowhether it’s committing to a meeting, sending a file or just listeningin the first paragraph so they know what to expect. Here are a few etiquette rules that should really be taught in schools.

Use an accurate subject line

Many people preview their messagesmeaning they see the subject line and the first line of the body of the email before deciding if they want to open it and read the whole thing. “Teaser” subject lines are frustrating and can come off as manipulative, so keep it brief but specific. It’s less important to be funny or eye-catching than it is to be informative and clear. Also keep in mind that these grammatical mistakes will make you look bad.

Only email people who need the information

“There’s no magic number for how many people should be included in an email, but make sure everyone you’re emailing actually needs to receive the message,” says Huang. You’d be surprised how many people include others on email chains “just in case,” which can be annoying and create extra work. Just because you can email everyone in your contacts at once, it definitely doesn’t mean you should. Plus, not following this email etiquette rule could also lead to an embarrassing email mistake.

Don’t assume pronouns

A person’s identity is, well, very personal. And in this day and age, getting the personal details right is more important than ever. “Take the extra five seconds to make sure you are spelling the person’s name correctly,” says Olivier. “And don’t assume someone’s gender or pronouns. If you are unsure, just use their name.” Modern etiquette says it’s fine to ask someone what they prefer to be called, whether that’s a nickname or a gender-neutral pronoun. Abiding by their preferences shows respect.

Think twice before hitting “reply all”

Email is often used as a way to deliver information to a large group of people at once. However, not everyone in the group will need to read every reply or question, and using the “reply all” feature unnecessarily can clog up inboxes. Before you reply to a mass email, consider who you are talking to and address the message only to themmore often than not, it’s just the person who sent the original email. If you’re worried about people missing vital information, a better solution is to gather it in a shared document that anyone can access and update.

Use “bcc” for one-way communication or privacy

Here’s one way to avoid the “reply all” problem: When you are the sender, put your own email address in the “to” field and everyone else’s email addresses in the “bcc” field, since “bcc” stands for “blind carbon copy” and means that any email addresses in that field will be hidden. Recipients will only be able to see your email. This is best for emails where you want to simply disseminate information and/or when you want to protect the privacy of the recipients. You wouldn’t want your lack of email etiquette to be the reason someone’s trying to figure out how to block annoying emails!

Use the “cc” field for groups that need to work together

CC stands for “carbon copy.” The difference between cc’ing and bcc’ing is that the recipients of a cc’ed email can see one another. Put emails in the cc field if you’d like a group of people to have everyone else’s contact information or to have a group discussionlike when planning a group event. In business settings, it’s also appropriate to cc someone to make sure they are aware of something but they’re not the primary audience intended for the message. Managers often ask to be cc’ed on important communications.

Use spell check and grammar check

Most email programs have built-in tools for checking spelling and grammar. These tools have become highly accurate and work for catching the most common mistakes. It’s worth the time to go through your email to correct any errors. Plus, giving it a quick read-through before sending can help you avoid other common errors, like forgetting to attach a document or spelling a person’s name wrong. “Most email errors could be prevented by proofreading it once before hitting send,” says Dupree. Just be aware that spell check won’t catch certain mistakes.

Write in complete sentences

Texting your best friend? You can abbreviate as much as you like, and punctuation is optional. Email, however, usually requires a bit more structure. Email often includes more information and longer blocks of text, so using complete sentences and punctuation makes it easier to read and understand. It’s also good business etiquette, particularly if your emails will be referenced later. Being concise doesn’t excuse you from proper writing rules. (That said, it’s fine to ignore these old-school grammar rules.)

Drop the “Mr.,” “Mrs.” and “Ms.”

Email used to be treated the same as any other business correspondence, but that’s no longer true. Now, being too formal can be off-putting or make you seem out of touch, says Olivier. “Write in a conversational tone,” she advises. “These days, most people prefer to be addressed by their first name. ‘Dear Ms. Olivier’ always makes me suspicious because it’s a common tactic used by scammers.” However, this is one area where your particular society or business culture may have its own set of standards, and those should take precedence. Here are a few outdated etiquette rules even experts don’t follow anymore.

Do not send or ask for read receipts

A read receipt is a message or notification that shows if and when an email is opened. These clog up inboxes, and due to changes in the technology behind how emails are received, they’re not even very accurate anymore. If you really need to know if someone got your message, wait at least 24 hours and then send a polite follow-up note. Otherwise, it’s safe to assume they received it.

Use voice dictation very carefully

Many people send emails from their phones, and while that’s not a bad thing, it does increase the risk of errorsespecially if you’re using the voice dictation tool. The computer may “hear” the wrong word, use the wrong spelling or even occasionally completely change the whole meaning of your message. If you do use voice dictation, be sure to proofread carefully before hitting send.

Skip the “thanks” replies

“If a reply isn’t necessary, then don’t send one,” says Olivier. “It’s that simple.” Replying “Thanks” or “OK” doesn’t convey additional information and adds another email to an already full inbox. It is not considered rude in emails to skip the “thank you,” but you should still use it when speaking in person. The exception to this is if the sender asks you to confirm receipt or to acknowledge you received the information.

Be cautious with emojis and text speak

LOLs and smiley faces are common in texting, but in an email, those abbreviations and emojis can come across as informal at best and confusing at worst. However, this is one area where etiquette is changing rapidly, and in companies with a more casual corporate culture, they are totally fine, says Olivier. In fact, using some emojis can make you seem with it and on top of current trends, while others like the thumbs-up emoji can come across as passive aggressive. This comes down to understanding the corporate culture and the expectations of the person you’re emailing, she notes.

Reply within 24 to 48 hours

Nothing is worse than sending an important email and then hearing nothing back. Good email etiquette says that you should do your best to reply to every message within one to two days. If you can’t, send a short reply (or autoreply) stating that you are behind but will get back to them by a certain date or time. In many cases, it’s best to reply as soon as you read the email, if you have the information available. Putting it off until later takes mental energy, and it adds up until it feels overwhelming. Don’t wait until you have the “perfect” replypeople generally prefer a short but quick answer over a three-page dissertation anyway.

Set up an “away” message

If you’re out of the office or on vacation, set up an automatic “Out of office” or “Will be slow to respond” message to give people a heads-up that they shouldn’t expect a response from you right away. You don’t have to give out detailed information; stick to the basics, and let them know when they can expect a reply. While this is necessary for business communications, it’s not a bad idea to do it for personal accounts as well if you know you’ll be away from your email for an extended period of timethat way, loved ones won’t worry if they don’t get a speedy response. For a good laugh (though not necessarily inspiration for your own message), check out these hilarious out-of-office messages.

Don’t use the “Sent from my iPhone” message

It’s not uncommon to see an email with a note at the bottom indicating the person sent the message from their mobile phone. It’s meant to apologize in advance for errors, poor grammar, bad formatting or brevity, but it’s really just poor form, according to Olivier. “If you have to apologize in advance for something, don’t do it,” she says. If you’re sending an email that is complex, take the time and do it properly from your computer. Either way, there is no need to share what device you’re using to send it.

Check your outbox frequently

Some email programs use a queue to hold emails before sending them, and occasionally messages will get left in the queue and not sent. However, “it got stuck in my outbox” is not a good excuse and is simply bad manners, says Olivier. Make it a habit to ensure all your messages are sent.

If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t type it

The Internet is forever. Even emails you think have been deleted can generally be found again. This means you should practice good social and business etiquette in every email you send. Use clear communication and a kind tone, and avoid name-calling, sexual pictures or text, accusations or other faux pas. A good rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t want your grandmother to read it, then don’t write it.

About the experts

• Michele L. Olivier is a technology etiquette expert and the CEO of O&H Consulting. She has more than 20 years of experience in talent recruiting.
• Toni Dupree is a social etiquette expert and public speaker. She is the CEO of Etiquette & Style by Dupree in Houston.
• Georgene Huang is a business etiquette expert and the CEO and co-founder of Fairygodboss, a career-focused community for women.

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The post 23 Email Etiquette Rules You Still Need to Follow appeared first on Reader's Digest.

“Negotiating a raise is ultimately about compromise. It’s about balancing your own objectives with those of the company in a way that makes both parties feel like they got at least some of what they wanted,” says Andres Lares, a professional negotiator and managing partner at the Shapiro Negotiations Institute. “Preparing in advance is the best thing you can do to increase your chances of getting that raisenot to mention that your preparation is the only aspect you have direct control over.”

Whether you work from home or commute into the office, digital etiquette and in-person etiquette are in agreement here: There are certain phrases you should never utter and others that’ll lead to more money in the bank. Before you send your boss a meeting invite, browse the advice below, which comes from experts who know how to ask for a raise and negotiate a salary that matches their worth.

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The two types of raises

When it comes to negotiating compensation, you’re not just talking about the dollar number for your salary, says Rebecca Metts, the director of human resources at an aerospace company and an HR management consultant with more than 10 years of experience. So your first order of businessbefore you ever approach your bossis to determine what, exactly, you’re asking for. To do that, you need to know which of the two main types of raises you’re requesting.

A raise without a promotion

“These raises are usually based around an increase in cost of living, like inflation, or an increase in the market rate for your position in your area. These would mean that based on comparisons, you’re currently underpaid in your job,” Metts explains.

Whether you’re asking for a bump of $5 an hour or $5,000 a year, asking for a raise without a promotion is about looking at comparisons and data points in your area and field.

A raise with a promotion

The other situation that prompts people to ask for a raise is when they want to move up in their career to a position with more responsibility. And oftentimes, they’re already doing additional work, Metts says.

“Negotiating these raises is about looking toward the future, how your skills currently add value and how you are helping and will help your company move forward and progress,” she says. These types of raises usually come with a title change, along with increased pay and benefits.

Communication is everything

Once you know which type of raise you’re going for, how do you communicate that to the higher-ups in the most effective way? We asked Metts, Lareswho is the author of Persuade: The 4-Step Process to Influence People and Decisionsand an HR expert to share what not to say when asking for a raise and what to say instead.

Don’t say: “I deserve this raise.”

“I’ve approved and written raises for hundreds of people, and this is the top thing that people said that irked me the most,” says Cynthia Banks, a professor of business at the University of ColoradoBoulder, former CEO of a global education company and a career coach. “Any variation of ‘I’ve done so much for this company’ or ‘You owe this to me’ is couched in blame and guilt, and that will immediately put your manager on the defensive. And you never want to start a negotiation where one party is already feeling antagonistic.”

She adds that, from your boss’s perspective, you’re already being paid a rate for your job that you and the company agreed was fair. So if you want more money, you need to show them the extra value you’re bringing.

Say this instead: “I so enjoy working for this company, and I’m excited to help it grow in X way. I think my skills would be a great match for this project, and I’d love to talk more with you about how to grow my career here.” This opens the door for negotiating from a positive place, Banks says. Being entitled or demanding is one of the bad work habits you should avoid.

Don’t say: “I have another offer. If you can’t match it, I’m walking.”

Want to avoid being annoying to your manager? Skip childish responses like this. “No one likes to be given an ultimatum or told what to do,” Lares says. “Instead of trying to force their hand, focus on being collaborative.”

Remember, your company has a vested interest in keeping you happy, as it is almost always more cost-effective for them to give you a raise than to hire a new employee. He adds that it is fine to use other offers as leverage in negotiating a raiseso long as you are prepared to take that other offer.

In other words: Don’t bluff. Threatening to quit is exactly what not to say when asking for a raise.

Say this instead: “I love working here, and I’d rather stay, but I need to be realistic about these other offers. Can we talk about it?” Ultimatums are conversation-enders. Asking questions starts a nuanced conversation about how a raise can be mutually beneficial, Lares says.

Don’t say: “I looked on Glassdoor, and other software engineers are making $100,000, so I think I should be paid that too.”

You absolutely should be doing online research to find out the market rate for your job in your area, Metts says. But use that info to guide how you negotiatenot as your opener.

It may be quite true that you’re underpaid, but pointing that out immediately again risks making your manager feel defensive. Instead, first examine your company’s policy about cost-of-living raises and research comparable jobschances are, if you’re in a company with more than a handful of employees, there’s already a set process to appeal your salary and ask for a raise without a promotion.

“If there is an established process, follow it to the letter,” she says. “It can be a pain and some paperwork, but this really is your best bet to getting what you want.”

Say this instead: “Can you tell me how you got to the salary range for my job?” Asking this as a question invites your manager to be open to looking at the comps (that you’ve already prepared and, oh, just happen to have handy). “If nothing else, this gets your employer to think through how and why you are paid at the rate you are and opens the door to more conversation about it,” Banks says.

Don’t say: “I want $150,000 a year.”

Focusing strictly on the dollar amount of your salary is a major rookie mistake, Metts says. “An employee’s total compensation package is about so much more than your salary, and negotiating these other factors can actually get you a better raise overall,” she says.

These other factors can include a yearly or performance bonus, relocation costs, a title change or promotion, more money toward your medical care, stock options or equity in the company, education expenses, more vacation time or PTO, or more flexibility in your work schedule or location. “Due to budgets and other constraints, your manager may not even be able to meet that number, so being flexible shows you’re willing to compromise and work with them to find a mutually agreeable solution.”

Say this instead: “I’d love to talk about the work I’ve been doing on X and how I can help the company meet its goals, along with the possibility of increasing my opportunities and compensation. When is a good time to chat?” Don’t come out of the gate with a hard number, Metts says. Be open to compromising some dollars in favor of a better work-life balance or a career advancement. “If you don’t like their raise offer, it’s fine to negotiate once and include other benefits you’d like,” Banks adds.

Don’t say: “I was thinking, it’s been a while since I’ve had a raiseI think I’m due for an increase. I’m a really hard worker!”

There are a couple of reasons this is what not to say when asking for a raise. For starters, it makes you sound unsure and like you haven’t done your homework, Lares says. You should at least have a vague idea of how to get promoted and get raises in your organization, including what the timeline is. If you do your research, you can share your findings as a fact.

But the real issue with this approach is that it doesn’t focus on why you are asking for the raise or the potential benefits to your company, he says. Sure, you know you’re not a quiet quitteryou’re constantly going above and beyond. But the approach above doesn’t touch on the specifics of the hard work you’ve done.

“Companies don’t usually give raises just because ‘it’s time.’ You’re probably right that you do have a strong work ethic, so this is your moment to promote everything you’ve contributed to the company,” he says. “And don’t just say ‘You know I’m a hard worker.’ Provide them with concrete examples and documentation of what you’ve done.”

Say this instead: “I’ve been doing A, B and C, all of which have provided some great benefits to the company, like X, Y and Z. But what else can I do to help our company continue to grow or meet its goals? I would love to have a conversation about that, along with the potential for a raise or some type of compensation increase. When are you available to talk?”

Asking a questionespecially one that shows you care about the company and want to helpshows empathy for your manager and their position, Lares says. “Empathy goes a really long way in negotiating a raise, he says. “You want to make it clear you’re on their side and want to work with them, not against them.”

If this statement feels like a lot to say to your manager on a Monday morning drop-in, it’s totally fine to write it up in an email so you can organize your thoughts better, he says. Then follow up on it in person a day or two later.

Don’t say: “Why didn’t I get the raise? What did I do wrong? Why don’t you guys like me?”

There’s no harm in asking for a raiseunless you take an argumentative approach. There’s a reason experts talk about what not to say when asking for a raise: Tactics like the one above can hurt your future chances of getting a raise.

Remember, raises are ongoing negotiations throughout your time with the company, so it’s not a one-and-done conversation, Lares says. “It’s normal to be upset if you don’t get what you want, but too many people take it personally and then say things that hurt their chances of getting a raise in the future,” he says. “Never act when you’re upset. Take a beat to breathe and think things through before expressing your disappointment.”

Say this instead: “I understand you are under a lot of pressure (or are dealing with a lot of different factors), and I respect your decision at this time. I enjoy providing value to this company, and I hope we can revisit the conversation about a raise. Would it be OK to check back with you in six months?”

“Ultimately, you want to keep the focus on your strengths and keeping the conversation open, not the salary,” Lares says. In the meantime, you can also do a little career cushioning by learning new skills that make you more marketable.

Don’t say: “You promised me a raise six months ago!”

You already negotiated a raise, so why aren’t you seeing it in your paycheck? Sometimes managers promise things they can’t fulfill, or the company’s circumstances have changed, or they simply forgot, Metts says. And unfortunately, there are some managers who will say anything to temporarily make you feel better, including lies about a raise.

“Unless you got it in writing, a verbal promise of a raise isn’t worth much,” she says. (But even emails or texts can count as documentation, so be sure to check those, she adds.)

This is an incredibly frustrating situation, but it doesn’t mean you still can’t get your raiseand possibly negotiate for back pay, depending on the circumstances. But there’s a way to complain politely and still get what you want. “You just need to be diplomatic in the way you approach it,” Banks says. “Go in assuming the best intentions, even if you think the worst is possible.”

Say this instead: “I was just thinking about that conversation we had a while ago about my raise. I’m not sure what is holding it up, but I hope we can get it sorted out! I’m a company person, and I enjoy working here, so can we have a conversation about how to make this happen before [insert date]?”

Some managers just need to be reminded, Metts says. But if your manager keeps giving you the runaround, it may be time to look for a new job. (By the way, if you’ve been applying for new jobs with no luck, here’s why you’re not getting hired.)

About the experts

• Andres Lares is a professional negotiator with more than 15 years of experience, including negotiating contracts for professional athletes. He is a managing partner at the Shapiro Negotiations Institute and author of Persuade: The 4-Step Process to Influence People and Decisions.
• Rebecca Metts is the director of human resources at an aerospace company and an HR management consultant with more than 10 years of experience.
• Cynthia Banks is a professor of business at the University of ColoradoBoulder. She was the CEO of a global education company for more than 20 years and now works as a career coach and runs a consulting business.

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“I’ve interviewed hundreds of people over the years, and I can tell you that the thing that sets apart a great candidate from a good candidate is preparation,” says Cynthia Banks, a professor of business at the University of ColoradoBoulder who was the CEO of a global education company for more than 20 years. “The interview is not something you want to wing.”

To help you prepare for this important moment, we talked to experts to get you the lowdown on what to say in an interview (and want to avoid saying). If you’re not getting hired, your grasp of business etiquette and digital etiquette may need some fine-tuning. Keep reading to learn top-notch job-interview etiquette advice from the people doing the hiring.

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What to say at the beginning of an interview

The wait is over. The hiring manager has invited you into the office, and now it’s time to wow ’em. (And, you know, not sweat through your shirt.) Here’s what to say in an interview that’s just begun.

“It’s so nice to meet you! I’ve really been looking forward to this interview. It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”

Small talk and pleasantries are expected in business settings, so you need to know how to introduce yourself in an interview. Practice saying your introduction while offering a firm handshake, Banks says.

“Be upbeat and calm,” she says. “But don’t stress about it too much. We know people get nervous doing interviews, and most interviewers will be accommodating.”

This is a little more awkward when your interview is on Zoom, and you should practice with your equipment before your interview so you don’t spend your opening minutes asking if the other person can hear you or worrying about the lighting, she adds.

“When this position opened up, I jumped at the chance to apply. I have a background in X, and I know the company is doing exciting things moving that field forward.”

If your interviewer asks why you are interested in working for their company or how you heard about the job, you should have your “elevator pitch” ready and practiced, says Dave Johnson, a hiring manager with 12 years of experience in a wide variety of industries, including tech, health care, telecommunications and the service industry.

“When you’re job searching, this pitch is a tool you should always have in your pocket. You should highlight a bit of your relevant career experience and how that led you to apply for this position,” he explains. “This is a good time to frame yourself as the ideal candidate.”

He adds that you should keep your answers relatively short, between 30 seconds and a minute.

“I’ve admired this company for X, and I feel like my skills in Y will be a great fit for your current projects.”

Another popular early interview question is asking what interests you about the specific role you are applying for. Your answer to this question shows that you’ve done your research and thought about how your skills match the company’s needs, Johnson says.

“I like to hear why they are excited about the position, and I also like to get a high-level understanding of their experience to jog my memory about them or their resume before I start asking more questions,” he says.

Again, keep it briefbetween 30 seconds and a minute. Talking too long is one of the bad work habits you should avoid.

“I’ve lived in New York for five years, I have two dogs and I am taking a night class to become a pastry chef because I love baking.”

“Tell me a little bit about yourself” is the standard icebreaker in interviews, and how you answer it can set the tone for the rest of the meeting, so it’s a good idea to prepare a response. (The “tell me about yourself” example answer above is a good template.)

“Tell me three things about yourself that are a little personal but not oversharing, and keep it under two to three minutes,” Banks says. She advises making your things relatable (like those having to do with food, travel, hobbies and pets) but not controversial (avoid religion and politics). At least one of those things should be memorable. “This helps me get to know you as a person.”

Under no circumstances should you read them your resume, she adds. Instead, assume the interviewer has read your resume, then work in your credentials and expertise throughout the interview. (Psst! Make sure you’re avoiding these common resume mistakes.)

“I love running and am training for a marathon. It’s been good for my physical endurance but also helps me practice my mental endurance and focussomething that I bring to my job as well. Hopefully, the job will give me fewer blisters!”

Another way to answer the “tell me about yourself” question is to take one of your personal facts and relate it to the job or the company in a positive way, says Rebecca Metts, the director of people at an aerospace company and a people-operations management consultant with more than 10 years of experience.

“I like it when people point out how their personality meshes with the role,” she says. “Keeping it lighthearted and adding a little appropriate humor will make you memorable.”

She adds that the interview is never the time to share a difficult life struggle, like a health or family crisis. Nor is it the time to disclose things about you that might negatively affect your ability to work, like a pregnancy or a chronic illness. If the interviewer asks you to share a time you struggled with something difficult, pick a fairly bland, work-related example, not a personal one, she adds. For instance, you might say, “When the client moved up the deadline by a month, I was really stressed out and wasn’t sure if we’d be able to do it. But I overcame that by …”

What to say in the middle of an interview

The discussion is heating up, and the hiring manager is moving beyond small talk into the nitty-gritty details of your past jobs and your work abilities. Here’s what to say in a job interview to impress the hiring manager.

“I learned a lot working at X company, but I’ve been looking for more opportunities to grow, and I’m excited to learn more about the field here at Y company.”

Asking why you left your last job is a pretty standard interview questionbut the interviewer isn’t looking for what your reason was as much as how you share it, Banks says. “Keep your answer vague and positive,” she says. “Resist the urge to criticize your previous employer. Even if it’s all true, it shows that you’re willing to trash talk others, and that says something about your character and work ethic.”

There’s a time and a place to complain politely, but your interview is not it. Instead of rehashing the past, she suggests keeping the conversation focused on your interest in this new opportunity or on what you hope to achieve if you’re changing careers.

“I have three years of experience with X software and have a portfolio I can show you to attest to my skills. I have only one year of experience with Y software, but that’s something I’ve always wanted to learn more about.”

There’s a fine line between underselling and exaggerating your skill set, but that’s the line you want to walk, Banks says. She adds that in her experience, women are more likely to undersell themselves, while men are more likely to exaggerate.

“You want to be humble and show that you’re teachable but also be confident,” she says. “Stand behind what you do know and emphasize that while also being honest about what you don’t.”

In the meantime, you can also do a little career cushioning by learning new skills that make you more marketable.

“One of my strengths is dealing with change in a fast-paced environment. An example of this is ”

Interviewers love to ask open-ended questions, but even if the question isn’t idealperhaps they ask you “Do you do well with change?”you should answer the question that’s asked and offer a little bit more detail, Banks says. There are lots of potential things to say in an interview, but the hiring manger wants more than one-word answers.

So don’t just answer “yes” or “no” to the above question; instead, answer and then elaborate on an example that shows, not just tells about, your expertise.

“Did I answer your question?”

Interview questions can get pretty involved and technical. For these in-depth questions, you want to make sure you’re answering the question completely and giving them all the info they need. One way to check is to simply ask them at the end of your answer.

“I really appreciate it when an applicant is self-aware and asks, ‘Did I answer your question?'” Johnson says. “Of course, don’t do this on every answer, but if you sense they aren’t following, it’s a good way to give the hiring manager a chance for clarity. This shows me they can read body language and are self and socially aware.”

“Your company is an industry leader in X. What’s the next move or the goal you’re working toward?”

It’s not just the interviewer who should be asking the questions! This interview is just as much about you getting to know the company, Banks says. Far from an etiquette mistake, asking questions of the hiring manager is actually a good thing.

“Businesspeople usually love talking about their company and will welcome the chance to share their vision with you,” she says. “I also love when people ask specific questions about the company because it shows that they’ve done their research and are truly interested in what we do.”

“I see that you value X. That’s also really important to me, as shown by ”

“Companies often put their values and mission statement on their website, and it’s not just throwaway jargon. They mean something,” Metts says. “Being able to say those back to the interviewer, and [articulate] how you share those values, shows that you did your research and that you’re a team player.”

This gives you a good opening to promote some of the qualities or skills that make you a great fit for the job, she adds. Reading up on a company before the interview is one of the top job-hunting tips from experts, and it’s a good way to avoid common job-hunting mistakes.

“I completed the pre-interview homework. Did you have any questions about my work?”

In this day and age, it’s quite common for companies to ask you to do some sort of homework. It can feel like a burden or just another hoop to jump through, but companies see it as an opportunity for you to show them a lot without taking up a lot of their time, Johnson says.

“People who complete the homework are showing they are motivated to get the job and are hard-working,” he says. “If you decline the homework, you likely will be declining the job, but you need to do what’s right for you.”

He adds that it’s important that, if you’re submitting work or a portfolio outside the interview, you make sure it shows all your own work.

What to say at the end of an interview

You’re almost done! The conversation is winding to a close. Here’s what to say in an interview to wrap up with a bang.

“I’d love to follow up on something you said earlier. May I ask a question about X?”

The end of the interview is your time to ask for any clarifications, Johnson says. In fact, not asking any questions is one of those so-called polite habits that job interviewers actually dislike.

“I expect candidates to ask me at least a couple of questions at the end of the interview,” he says. “I like the questions more when they are based on things we’ve talked about because it shows they are listening.”

“I really enjoyed speaking with you about X!”

Interviewers are people too, and they appreciate positive feedback. “As long as you are speaking the truth, I feel it’s good to let them know you enjoyed the conversation, especially some specific part about the conversation, because that makes the person feel good, and then they may like you more,” Johnson says. “You know, positive psychology!”

In addition to making you more likable, giving a compliment also shows your people skills and your ability to focus and retain informationall talents that are likely critical to the job you’re applying for.

“What’s the next step in the process?”

Sometimes the interviewer will volunteer what you should expect to happen next, but if they don’t, it is OK to ask, especially if that was not clearly laid out at the beginning of the interview process, Johnson says. “I would not ask for specific timelines, as it can make the interviewer feel pressured,” he adds.

“I love what I’ve heard today, and I hope you enjoyed meeting me as well. I’d love to meet again to discuss this further.”

Regardless of how you feel it went, close the interview with a positive statement and an offer to meet again, Banks says. “This keeps the door open for a second interview without you asking for it outright, which can be seen as presumptuous,” she says.

“I’d love to learn more about working for this company and how I can contribute.”

The end of the interview is not the time to bring up salary, benefits or vacation timeall of those should be left until the negotiating phase, Johnson says. (Speaking of money, there are certain things you shouldn’t say when asking for a raise either.)

By broaching those topics too early, you risk jumping the gun or making it seem like you care more about the compensation than the job. Of course, the compensation is a huge part of why you’re interested in the job (after all, we work to pay the bills), but there will be a time to discuss all that, and the end of the interview isn’t the time, Banks says.

Another reason to let details like salary go for now? In larger companies, the people doing the interviewing may not know that information yet, Johnson says.

About the experts

• Cynthia Banks, MS, is a professor of business at the University of ColoradoBoulder. She was the CEO of a global education company for more than 20 years and now works as a career coach and runs a consulting business.
• Dave Johnson is a hiring manager with 12 years of experience working in a wide variety of industries, including tech, health care, telecom and the service industry.
• Rebecca Metts is the director of people at an aerospace company and a people-operations management consultant with more than 10 years of experience.

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The dos and don’ts of taking an Uber

Ubers are, well, ber convenientthe concept combines the best of public transportation and hiring a private driverbut like any good union, it also requires a lot of compromise on both sides. That starts with an understanding of the polite habits most people dislike.

“I had an Uber driver recently who put a potent air freshener on the air vent in the back by me,” says Nanette Paddock of Boston. “I understand he was just trying to be nice and make the car smell better, but I don’t like artificial smells, and I knew it was going to make the whole ride miserable for me.”

Unsure of the etiquette rules, she at first tried to ignore it, because she didn’t want to bother him or make him feel bad, but several minutes into the ride, she finally spoke up, saying, “Hey, I prefer my air plain. Do you mind if I take this air freshener out?” The driver honored her request but politely told her he would have preferred if she’d spoken up at the beginning of the ride. Despite their best intentions, both rider and driver ended up feeling not-so-great about the experience, she says.

This super-polite exchange highlights a conundrum many rideshare users face these days, says Valerie Sokolosky, an etiquette expert and the author of Do It Right!, a comprehensive etiquette guide. “Drivers and riders, we’re all trying to do our best and be polite, but it doesn’t always come across as we intend,” she says. (Not to mention the fact that we want to maintain good passenger ratings on Uber so drivers accept our booking requests!) Just as there are some “nice” things drivers do that passengers don’t appreciate, there are some “polite” things riders do that get in the way of drivers doing their jobs or are just plain annoying, she says.

We’ve talked to Uber drivers about whether you should tip your Uber driver (yes!) and the top Uber scams, and now we’re getting the scoop on passengers’ top etiquette mistakesnamely, which “polite” habits actually drive them nutsand what to do instead.

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One fateful night at the grocery store, I was waiting for the cashier to finish ringing up my groceries when she suddenly chirped, “Oh, when are you due?” She pointed at my admittedly large tummy.

“With this baby? About two weeks ago,” I said with a laugh and pointed out my infant daughter in the carrier on my arm. Clearly, I still looked pregnant. I’m not the only woman who has had to field awkward questions about her womb”Are you pregnant?” and its cousin “When are you due?” are some of the most commonly asked. I didn’t take it too personally, but the interaction didn’t leave me feeling so great. The cashier was pointing out my extra weight and flabby tummy, after all.

These types of questionsintended to be harmless small talk but actually kind of rudeare very common, says Jeff Temple, PhD, a licensed psychologist and professor at the University of Texas Medical Branch. “Human beings are naturally curious about others, which sometimes leads them to ask inappropriate questions, often without thinking through it first,” he says.

When talking to others, you’re mindful of aging etiquette and weight etiquette. But there are also etiquette rules for what to say when someone lobs a rude comment your way. Read on for expert tips on how to gracefully answer an offensive question.

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Love it or hate it, small talk is a necessity

If you cringe at the idea of making small talk, you’re not aloneand you may be missing out. “Small talk gets a bad rap sometimes as being boring or pointless, but chatting about everyday things with others builds the little connections that keep a community strong,” says Jeff Temple, PhD, a licensed psychologist and professor of community health at the University of Texas Medical Branch. “We all have a need to feel seen and heard, even if that’s just by the person at the coffee shop.”

But there are times when even well-intended small talk can go really wrong. An incident that happened a few years ago in a Costco checkout line will live in my mind forever: A kind-looking woman noticed my three rambunctious boys and asked if they were brothers. When I said they were, she replied, “Oh, but they all look so different! Do they have the same dad?” An awkward silence followed while I tried to figure out how best to answer that question. I have no doubt that she was just trying to make polite small talk and compliment my kids, but her question implied things about my fertility, my relationship history, my sex life and other impolite topics.

And that’s the problem: Sometimes small talk intended to be polite ends up being the oppositeand it can happen to the nicest people! Worrying about possibly offending someone may lead you to avoid small talk altogether, fearing that you’re “bad” at it, but you don’t need to stress, says Temple. “Small talk is a valuable skill, and anyone can learn it by following a few simple guidelines.”

Knowing the proper etiquette for small talk is just as important for maintaining healthy relationships as it is for talking about aging and mental health. So what are those etiquette rules, exactly? Our experts break it down for you, sharing the subtle missteps you might be makingand what to say instead, including the best conversation starters.

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Dont make these hotel etiquette mistakes

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Saying no isn’t just an etiquetteskill, it’s a life necessity if you want to be happy and mentally healthy, says Gretchen Rubin, a happiness expert and the author of The Happiness Project and Better Than Before.

“Living someone else’s version of your life because you can’t say no is a tragedy,” she says. The solution? Setting boundaries. “Ultimately, saying no is making a boundary that protects both you and the other person,” she says. After all, saying yes to one thing means saying no to everything else. It tends to be a “polite” mistake. But by drawing boundaries, you can focus your time, energy and “yeses” on the things that are important to you.

Knowing what to say is one thing; actually learning how to say no is a lot tougher. Here’s how to do it.

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Why is it hard to say no?

“We all want to feel loved, valued and needed, and saying yes fills a lot of those basic human needs,” says Jeff Temple, PhD, a licensed psychologist and professor at the University of Texas Medical Branch. “We also all fear being rejected, left out or disappointing others.”

Your relationship with the person asking plays a big part in how compelled you may feel to say yes, he adds. Telling your mother no, for instance, probably feels a lot different than following gym etiquette and telling a stranger, “No, I’m not done with the weights.”

But perhaps the biggest reason it’s so tough to say no is because many of us simply weren’t taught how to do it, says Valerie Sokolosky, an etiquette expert, executive coach and author of eight etiquette books. “People often have trouble finding the right words to say no without sounding rude or mean,” she says. “Just like other types of etiquette, it’s a skill that gets better, and easier, with practice.”

When should you say no?

Knowing when to say no starts a long time before the question is even asked, Rubin says. “Take some time to list your values, then use those to make goals and define your priorities,” she says. “Once you know those things, it will be easier to draw boundaries to make sure you’re staying true to yourself.”

These situations will be different for each person, but a common problem Sokolosky hears often is work-life balance. For instance, if your priority is figuring out how to ask for a raise or getting a promotion within the year, then you may need to say no to certain family or friend obligations. But if your top priority is your family, then you likely have to learn to say no to your boss or colleagues.

Defining boundaries with family and loved ones can be tricky as well. Many people grew up with the idea that you must always be there for family. However, you can redefine what being there means for you, and sometimes that may mean saying no, Temple says. For instance, if you want to go to the family barbecue this weekend, you may have to turn down your friend’s offer to hang out the other nights of the week.

Different ways to say no

“Technically, ‘no’ is a whole sentence, and you don’t necessarily owe anyone an explanation,” says Temple. “But that can come across as abrupt, aggressive or cold. If you want to preserve the relationship or simply convey kindness, find a softer way to say it.” Whether you’re addressing it in person or following email etiquette or texting rules, here are some scripts for politelybut firmlysaying no.

• I really appreciate the offer, but I’m going to have to pass this time.
• Thank you for thinking of me, but I won’t be able to make it tomorrow.
• I’d love to come, but unfortunately I have a prior commitment that day.
• I’m so honored that you asked me, but I’m maxed out at the moment.
• It sounds lovely, but I won’t be able to make it. Maybe next time!
• You are so thoughtful to invite me; I’d love to meet up with you another day.
• I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I have to pass.
• I wish I could help, but I have a prior engagement.
• I’m sorry, but I have to respectfully decline.
• I’m flattered, but I have to say no this time.
• I really appreciate your offer, but I’m going to have to decline.
• It’s not you, it’s meit’s been an exhausting week, and I need some quiet time.
• Thanks for reaching out, that means a lot to me. Unfortunately I won’t be able to this time, but let’s stay in touch.
• I’m sorry, but I’m not available for that.
• I’m afraid I can’t make it work, but I appreciate the thought.
• Thanks, but no.

Tips for saying no

Feeling a little more confident now? Our experts shared some tips to help you define your boundaries and stick to themwithout feeling like a jerk. Here’s what you should know about saying no.

Do it in a timely manner

The longer you make people wait, the harder it will be to say no and the worse they will take it because you’re leaving them in limbo, Sokolosky says.

Buy a little more time

If someone puts you on the spot with a request, don’t feel like you have to give them an immediate answer. Sokolosky says it’s fine to simply say, “Let me think about that, and I’ll get back to you within 24 hours!”

Get to the point

One or two sentences is plenty to get your point across. Avoid giving lengthy excuses or arguing about your reasoning, Rubin says. “Your boundaries are not a debate.”

Be positive

Make a compliment sandwich, where you couch the negative between two positives, Temple says. For instance, “I’d love to come, but I’m already booked out that night. I’m so glad you reached out though, and I’m sure the event will be a huge success!”

Don’t say things you don’t mean

If a colleague invites you to coffee and you don’t want to hang out with them ever, don’t say, “Maybe another time!” Instead, Sokolosky suggests something like, “I really appreciate the offer, but I try to keep my work and personal life separate.”

Don’t be wishy-washy

Sounding unsure (saying things like “maybe I could make it work”) just gets people’s hopes up and gives them a reason to argue with you. If you’re sure it’s a no, then don’t beat around the bush, Rubin says.

Offer a little honesty

If you’re talking with a loved one, it’s okay to be vulnerable when explaining why you’re saying noit can even strengthen your relationship over time, Temple says. It’s not required, but saying something that helps them understand you better reduces the risk of them taking it personally. Here’s an example: “Your event sounds awesome, but I’m really struggling with some depression right now, and big events are too much. I’d love to hang out just the two of us after and hear all about it!”

Be grateful

Even if you’re not technically thankful that your boss is asking you to work over the weekend, a little gratitude goes a long way when saying no, Sokolosky says. “Thank you so much for the opportunity, but I already have plans this weekend and won’t be able to help out this time.”

Pay attention to your non-verbal communication

Remember that your tone of voice, eye contact, method of communication and body language are as important as the words you choose, Sokolosky says.

Just start

Perhaps the best tip that all our experts agree on, however, is to just start saying no. It won’t be easy, especially at first, but the more you practice holding your boundaries, the better you’ll get at it. And don’t forget: Saying no isn’t rude, it’s saving your time, money and energy for things you really want to do and things that align with your values and goalsyou know, like recovering from knee surgery!

About the experts

• Gretchen Rubin is the New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project. She is an expert in happiness and shares her wisdom through her blog and public speaking.
• Jeff Temple, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, professor and the John Sealy Distinguished Chair in Community Health at the University of Texas Medical Branch. He’s the director of the Center for Violence Prevention and has more than 230 scholarly publications in a variety of high-impact journals, including JAMA.
• Valerie Sokolosky is an etiquette expert, executive coach and author of eight etiquette books, including Do It Right!a comprehensive etiquette guide. She is one of only 20 “master brand strategists” worldwide and has served on executive boards, including the prestigious Leadership America.

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Coffee (etiquette) talk

Americans drink about 491 million cups of coffee daily, and when the National Coffee Association asked adults when they last sipped some java, 65% said they’d drank it in the past day. As a recent study from the association reports, more than a third of them grabbed the beverage while out of the houseand a whopping 91% of people buy coffee away from home at least once a week. That’s a lot of customers going through coffee shops, and baristas are on the front lines every day.

Most of the time, the system runs like clockwork, and we all get our caffeine fixas we do our best to avoid rude coffee shop habits and follow etiquette rules, especially coffee shop etiquette. But one of the things Starbucks employees won’t tell you is that in addition to avoiding rude behavior, there are some specific “polite habits” that aren’t quite as courteous as you might think.

“I had an elderly gentleman who came in every day over summer break and was so kind but never tipped me. At the end of the summer, he asked to shake my hand and then slipped some money into my palm,” says Grace M., 20, a barista and university student in Salt Lake City. “He told me to put it toward my studies, and I could tell that it meant a lot to him to give it to me.” The catch? “It was $5. For a whole summer’s work. I said thanks, but it was a little hard to keep the smile on my face.”

Of course, you wouldn’t do that, but it’s easy to make polite mistakes. So we talked to baristas from all over the country to get the scoop on which “polite” habits actually drive them nuts or get in the way of them doing their jobsand what to do instead. From how to order at Starbucks to what to do if you show up at closing time, here’s what you need to know before you stop in for your next caffeine fix.

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It’s OKwe’ve got you! We asked etiquette experts, nail techs and salon owners to share exactly when, who and how much to tip at nail salons. Once you’re up to speed, make sure you know the proper tipping etiquette in other situations, like how much to tip your hairdresser,movers and hotel housekeeping.

Should you tip your nail tech?

Nail technicians are a part of the beauty service industry, and in the United States, it’s customary to tip service workers. They rely on tips to make a good portion of their income, so you should always plan to tip the person giving you a manicure or pedicure, according to Sharon Schweitzer, an international tipping etiquette expert. It’s good etiquette to tip at the end of each appointment, and if you have a long-standing relationship with a particular nail technician, consider offering a bonus tip at the holidays, Schweitzer adds. This tip also applies to dining etiquetteat a restaurant.

How much should you tip at the nail salon?

Fifteen to 20% of the total bill is the industry standard for how much to tip a nail tech, but this can vary between countries, regions and salons, says Sharon-Frances Moore, president of Shances, a New Yorkbased etiquette company. Not only that, but tipping amounts have changed drastically over the past two years. “During the COVID-19 pandemic, to help ease the financial strain of workers, there was an increase of people over-tipping for services in industries across the board,” says Moore. “We are now seeing an adjustment back to standard tipping, which for a nail technician, [regardless] of the service, is around 15 to 20%.”

For instance, how much do you tip for a $50 pedicure? Depending on your satisfaction, $7.50 is a standard tip, $10 is a good tip, and if your nail tech really went the extra mile, $13 is a great tip.

Jemma Wilson, a certified nail technician and the founder of Almond Nails, agrees, saying that tipping 15% of the total bill is the norm, but there are some placeslike resort towns or luxury spaswhere it may be higher. If you’re unsure, check out the salon’s website or give them a quick call before heading in.

Other tipping considerations at a nail salon

To avoid making etiquette mistakes, our experts offer some additional tips for tipping at nail salons:

• Try not to tip less than $5. If you’re only getting a nail polish color swap for $20, consider rounding up the tip to $5.

• If you’re using a coupon, discount voucher or gift card, base your tip on the normal price for the service.

• At the holidays, give your regular nail tech a tip that is roughly the same amount as your typical salon visit. Put the cash in an envelope with a nice note.

• If you’re a happy customer, in addition to giving your nail tech cash, consider leaving a glowing review online. This can be as meaningful and helpful to a salon as monetary tips.

Should you tip more for certain services?

Not all nail services require the same amount of work. For example, how much do you tip a nail tech for acrylics? And how much do you tip for gel nails? Those services are a lot more involved than a regular manicure. Here are a few times when you should consider tipping 25% or more, according to our experts:

• If your nails are in particularly rough shape.

• If you get any extras, like hand-drawn nail art or a longer hand massage.

• If you’re getting a full set of acrylic nails, gel nails, dip nails or other “nails” built from scratch (though tip fill-ins and touch-ups can be tipped the regular rate).

• If you ask them to replicate a complicated design you found online, like specialty fall nails, winter nailsor spring nails.

How much should you tip for a pedicure?

Toes are no different than fingers when it comes to nail care. That means you should follow the same etiquette for how much to tip for a pedicure15 to 20%says Wilson. If you’re on a tight budget, check out these simple steps for the perfect DIY pedicure at home.

Should you tip with cash?

Whenever possible, pay in cash, handing it directly to your nail tech. This ensures that the full tip goes to the person who did the work for you, and it avoids delayed payouts by salon owners, says Moore. Should you tip the owner of a nail salon? This isn’t necessary unless the owner is the person doing the work. If you want to help the salon owner, leave a glowing review online and refer other customers to the salon.

Should you tip if you don’t like your nails?

If you’re unsatisfied with your nails for any reason, step one is to discuss it with your nail tech and give them the option to fix it, says Wilson. Once the issue is fixed to your satisfaction, pay your standard tip or even a little bit more, since they went the extra mile, she suggests. If you’re afraid to say something in the salon, you should still tip but at the lesser end of the scale, like 10%.

“With all this being said, tipping is optional,” Wilson notes, “and if a customer is really unhappy or had a really bad experience, they can forgo tipping altogether.”

You can also escalate the problem to the manager or salon owner. Follow these etiquette tips for getting the best customer service.

Sources:

• Sharon Schweitzer, international etiquette expert and founder of Access to Culture
• Sharon-Frances Moore, president of Shances, a New Yorkbased business etiquette and coaching company
• Jemma Wilson, certified nail technician and founder of Almond Nails

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The dos and don’ts of flying

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The dos and donts of bar etiquette

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Whether you want healthier habits, an updated wardrobe, orderly finances or professional-organizer-approved decluttering advice, we’ve got the fall-reset tips for you. At home, we’ll be chipping away at our fall home-maintenance checklist, prepping our pantries, meal planning, cooking from our fall food list and storing seasonal produce properly. We’ll be adjusting our routines, tuning up our mental and physical health and setting career goalsall changes that can lead to happier, healthier and more successful lives down the road.

And it all starts on Labor Day. Use the three-day weekend as an opportunity to take stock of where you are in the yearand where you hope to be. With these expert-approved reset ideas, your finances will be in shape, your skin will be glowing, your house will be winterized and your kids will never be late to school. What do you want to achieve this fall? Let’s get it done.

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Build new routines

Set up a homework HQ for a year of academic success

Whether it’s adding a box of back-to-school supplies near the kitchen table or upcycling a piece of furniture into a desk for their bedroom, make sure your children have a quiet, well-stocked homework HQ. This not only serves as a visual reminder of the summer-to-school transition, but it also gives them the routine and structure they crave, says Fran Walfish, PsyD, a Beverly Hills family psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent.

The key to a smooth back-to-school transition is to include your kids in the shopping and preparing, she says. Let them help gather supplies around the house, pick out new items at the store, set up the designated homework spot and stock it with everything they’ll need for their assignments. “Letting them be a part of the process will help them feel more calm and prepared,” says Walfish. And bonus: Until school starts, it’s the perfect space to read their favorite YA novels or children’s books.

Create a lunch station for on-the-go ease

Reduce morning chaos and get everyone out the door on time with a lunch-making station for grab-and-go healthy school lunches. Keep the lunchboxes in a visible spot. Have a shelf in your pantry dedicated to lunch staples, such as crackers, tuna fish, chips, nuts and applesauce cups. Then dedicate a drawer or shelf in your fridge to perishable staplesthink peanut butter, jam, hard-boiled eggs, lunch meat, cheese sticks, fresh fruit and veggies and salads. Take time each Sunday night to restock the shelves and prep any food.

Make a family calendar to stay on schedule

A family schedule is the key to keeping your sanity this fall, says Walfish. It is a visual reminder and time-management tool that keeps everyone connected and on the same pagesomething that’s especially important if you have multiple children with different schedules and activities. Either go digital with synced phone calendars, old-school with paper calendars or use a large dry-erase board in a familiar spot. Spend 30 minutes each week reviewing the next week’s calendar together so there are no surprises, she says. If you have young children, allow them to help with stickers, colored markers or by drawing pictures. Even if they don’t totally understand, it’s important to let them be a part of the processit makes them feel part of the group and teaches planning skills.

Enforce regular bedtimes for more restful sleep

Schedules are just as vital for adults as they are for kids, so use this time to get yours back on track. Implement a regular bedtime routine at least 10 days before school starts, says Walfish. “This will help your child’s body get into the groove of winding down and waking up earlier, so when school begins, their body, energy and focus will be prepared for school’s physical and mental expectations and demands,” she says. Tempted to sleep in on weekends? Think again. Having a regular bedtime will help you condition your body to sleep longer and deeperbecause getting a good night’s sleep is one of the best things you can do for your health.

Organize carpools to save time, energy and stress

The first day of school is not the time to figure out which of your neighbors has kids in the same school or what you’ll do if the bus is canceled. Take some time now to coordinate with other families in your area for rides to and from school and other activities this fall. Not only does this save you time and gas money, but it’s also better for the environment and will help your family forge lasting friendships. Plus, it’s a great excuse to meet your neighbors!

Set up a no-phone zone for a better headspace

Chances are you’ve gotten pretty loose with your tech time over the summer, staying up late to watch movies or scrolling during casual dinners. But when vacation ends or school resumes, you’ll want more discipline and structure with your digital devices, says Nicole Dreiske, author and executive director of the International Children’s Media Center. This is the perfect time for a digital detox: Draw up a family tech agreement, spell out rules for social media, video games and Netflix binges, and set aside tech-free family time.

Prep your pantry

Eat what’s in season for sustainable savings

Everyone loves a summer farmers market (hello, peach season!), but your local growers have plenty of great things to offer as the weather cools down too, says Kristamarie Collman, MD, a family medicine physician. “Take advantage of seasonal produce, such as butternut squash, pumpkin and other root vegetables,” she says. Not only are these foods nutritious, but eating local, in-season foods is also more affordable and better for the environment.

Preserve produce for delicious fruits and vegetables all winter

Summer is peak produce season, but all those ripe tomatoes, juicy pears and plump berries will soon die off. Eliminate food waste with these produce storage tips. And for longer-lasting options, take advantage of cheap produce prices and lock in the flavor and nutrients by freezing or canning your favorites, says Dr. Collman. If that sounds like too much work, know it can be as simple as dumping strawberries into a freezer bag and storing them. Feeling a little more advanced? Puree some fruit and make freezer jam or try canning peaches and beans.

Make your own pumpkin spice mix for fall vibes

It’s almost pumpkin spice season! Lattes, muffins, chocolates, doughnuts, coffee and other tasty foods will be spiked with the seasonal spice. Skip the pricey store-bought blends and make your own. It’s easy and cheap. Simply buy cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice and cloves in bulk and mix them together. Package the mix into little bags and tie with a ribbon to give out as a festive gift to friends.

Come up with a menu for quick at-home meals

Meal planning is one of the top tips Dr. Collman gives for frugal and nutritious meals. The main reason people avoid meal planning is because it feels overwhelming to figure out that many meals in advance. One simple way to start? Theme nights for dinner. For instance, meatless Monday, taco Tuesday, waffle Wednesday, sandwich Thursday and (air) fryer Friday. Another idea: Create a menu of 10 or so meals you’re confident making and keep most supplies on hand. For extra savings, Dr. Collman suggests looking at what’s on sale or on clearance at the store and then planning your meals around those foods.

Transition your home

Clear out summer clutter and create a calm space

When you think of clutter clearing, spring cleaning usually comes to mind. But it’s good to do this twice a yearand the changing of the seasons is the ideal time to get it done, says Rachel Rosenthal, a professional organizer. A post-summer purge is a great way to clean your closet, organize essentials and donate anything you won’t need the next year.

Overwhelmed? Use this trick: Look at each of your items and consider whether or not you’ve used it or worn it since the end of last summer. “If the answer is no, then it’s time to get rid of it,” says Rosenthal. This tough love will make way for closet organizing systems and more seasonal items that need space, such as winter coats, ski pants or a new holiday dress.

Pull out the warm bedding for cozier nights

Soon sweat-soaked summer nights will be replaced by chilly fall eveningsand that means flannel sheets, down comforters and snuggly throws. The end of summer is the perfect time to unpack your heavier linens and check for signs of moth holes, mold or mildew, says Rosenthal. Do a big load of laundry (properly) and get rid of any odors from their long season in storage by adding a cup of vinegar and baking soda. And while you’re in the laundry room, stock up on the best laundry detergents.

Transition your wardrobe from summer to fall

Plunging fall temps are probably not the time for plunging necklines. Get ready for the seasonal clothing rotation by boxing up your summer gear and diving into sweater season. Pulling out your cold-weather clothing early will help you identify what you have and pinpoint gaps in your wardrobe, allowing you time to buy what you need before you need it. Streamline your closet (have you considered a capsule wardrobe?) and preplan your outfits to save time and stress in the mornings. This way, you won’t be scrambling to find something that works for that first cold snap. And don’t forget to pull out the winter boots, hats, gloves and scarves and get those organized in an appropriate closet.

Prep summer gear for winter storage

There’s nothing worse than breaking out the grill on the first fine day of spring only to discover last year’s food residue still stuck to it, or opening that patio umbrella to discover it’s disintegrated with mold. So take the time this fall to properly clean your grill (that includes sealing the propane tank and using a vacuum to suck out all the ashes and grime), wipe down patio furniture covers, pack up outdoor summer decor and properly store garden tools.

Blow out your sprinklers to avoid burst pipes

For cold-weather folks, it only takes one burst pipe (and a giant plumbing bill) to understand how important it is to blow out your sprinklers before fall, says Trevor Chapman, a home expert and spokesperson for Farmer’s Insurance. It’s just one of those things homeowners need to do once a year. You can rent a machine from a local hardware store or hire someone to do it. Make sure you turn off your outdoor water supply and empty any hoses and spigots while you’re at it.

Organize your garage to prep for winter

Bicycles and pool toys to the back; sleds and snow blowers to the front! Most of us have limited garage space, so maximize the room with these garage storage tips. Get summer equipment up and out of the way while moving winter equipment to a more handy location. And because there are certain things that shouldn’t be stored in a garage during the winter, be sure to remove those.

Update your emergency plans to stay safe

September is National Preparedness Month, and while no one likes to think about the worst-case scenario, you only have to watch the news to know those can happen. Now is the time to create family emergency plans for events such as house fires, power outages or snowstorms. Pack all the essentials you’ll need in case of an emergency, says Julie Bowman, a certified emergency preparedness specialist and first responder. Not sure where to start? How about a fire extinguisher, a wrench or pliers to turn off utilities, battery-powered flashlights and extra batteries. Learn how to use Alexa in emergencies, and check out these lists of emergency essentials for your home, car, work and school.

Ready your car for winter

Make an emergency car kit for peace of mind

Car troubles? Getting stranded in the summer is annoying, but depending on where you live, getting stranded in the winter could be fatal, says Bowman. Create an emergency kit for your car that might include jumper cables, a blanket, a foldable shovel, an ice scraper, a bag of kitty litter or sand, a spare coat, flares and extra snacks. If you have little ones, keep extra diapers, wipes, formula and warm clothing for them as well.

Winterize your car to be ready on the road

In addition to carrying emergency gear, you’ll want to prepare your car for winter and make sure it can handle the added stress of winter driving conditions, says Bowman. Fall is the time to refill your windshield wiper fluid, get your radiator checked, test your battery, check your headlights and have any alignment issues fixed.

Make an appointment to get your tires changed

If you live in a place with ice, snow or heavy rain in the winter, getting snow or studded tires will make a big difference in how your car handles. (Just make sure you know the best time to buy new tires.) “You’ll feel safer and more secure with more traction on the road,” says Bowman. If you can’t afford to change out your tires seasonally (or if you rarely get snow), consider purchasing a bag of tire chains and keep them in your trunk.

Prioritize mental health and self-care

Book vacation days now so you actually use your PTO

Americans have some of the unhealthiest work habitsand one of the top sins is not taking their vacation days. The end of summer may feel too early to be thinking about your holiday plans, but a little planning now will make sure you get the time off you want, when you want it, and give you something to look forward to, says clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. Talk to your manager about how they handle holiday time-off requests and if they have any rules. Then get your request in as soon as it’s allowed. This will save you a lot of grief and frustration later on.

Print family photos for a serotonin boost

Half the fun of the long summer break is getting to relive the sunny memories as the days get shorter. To keep it fresh in your mind and feel happier, create a visual reminder of your magical summer moments, says Irwin. Don’t just let those pictures languish on Instagram or Facebook. Make a wall of framed photos, a printed photo book, an electronic photo collage on your computer, a scrapbook or simply pin printed photos onto a cork board.

Make a fall bucket list to celebrate the season

Combat the dreaded end of summer by giving yourself something to look forward to. “Create a dream board filled with pictures of places you want to go, new skills to learn or things you want to do to celebrate fall,” says Janine Knighton, creative director at PuttingAPinInIt.com. Scenic drives to spot the best fall foliage in America, apple picking, visits to local bookstores, a sumptuous Thanksgiving family feastcreate a bucket list with whatever says “fall” to you. Then hang it somewhere you can see daily.

Sign up for classes to invest in your learning

As the kids start school again, it’s possible to feel lonely. Connect with others and sign up for a class or two. You can further your formal education at the local community college or develop a hobby with painting, music or woodworking lessons. It’s important to find productive ways to stay busy, as feeling distant and alone can be a major trigger for alcohol or other addictions, Knighton says.

Launch a gratitude campaign to stay centered

The holiday season can trigger a tide of emotions. Whether this is your first holiday without your mother or your first Halloween since a divorce, fall and winter events have a way of bringing up big feelings. Instead of avoiding them (a long-term mistake), identify what you might deal with and make a plan for how to handle each situation. This can mitigate stress in a healthy way, says Irwin. Another pro tip? Practice gratitude. Studies show that people who practice gratitude (whether that’s in their morning routine or through gratitude journaling) actually live longer.

Schedule therapy sessions and stay ahead of stress

Fall resets are a great time to check in on your mental health and schedule some ways to take care of yourself, Irwin says. This can include getting a massage or a facial. It could be scheduling therapy sessions, finding a life coach or talking to your doctor about antidepressants. Finding more balance and happiness in your life is a non-negotiable for mental wellness.

Tune up your physical health

Schedule vaccine appointments before cold and flu season

“Without a doubt, the most important health tip to get ready for fall is to get your flu shot and other necessary vaccines or boosters,” says Pat Carroll, RN, author of What Nurses Know and Doctors Don’t Have Time to Tell You. Book your appointments now to beat the fall rush and give it plenty of time to strengthen your immune system. While doctors’ offices typically don’t have the shots available until October, you can head to walk-in centers and pharmacy mini-clinics as early as August. And no, you can’t get the flu from the flu shot or nasal mist.

Check your insurance plans and deductibles

Have you met your insurance deductible? Fall is the time to check (and make sure you’re taking advantage of these money-saving health insurance tricks). If you have, that can make your healthcare far more affordable. Schedule procedures, surgeries, checkups and tests now so you can fit them in before the end of the year when your deductible resets, says Carroll.

Fall is also when most companies will ask if you’d like to update your health insurance. And if your insurance is provided under the Affordable Care Act, you need to make any changes before December 15. Get prepared by analyzing how you spent your money on healthcare over the past year. Was it on prescriptions? Specialist visits? Lab tests or imaging? “Once you know your pattern of using services, you can pick the best plan option available to you,” Carroll says.

Schedule indoor workouts to stay fit

Biking, swimming, hikingthe options for summer workouts feel limitless. But don’t let your exercise routine slide just because cold temps are around the corner, says Irwin. Scout out indoor options, such as spin, rock climbing, yoga or weight-lifting classes. If you prefer to stay outdoors, now is the time to dig out your skis and snowshoes. The trick is to actually schedule that class or exercise plan on your calendar to make sure you go, regardless of the weather, she says.

Avoid the winter blues by addressing issues early

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) affects up to 20% of the population in the United States each yearand it starts showing symptoms in the fall, says Irwin. While it stinks that you get it, the upside is that because it is predictable, you can prepare for it. Put a plan in place by buying a light box, trying out supplements and talking to your doctor about medication. Make sure to note any early changes in mood and sleep patterns so these symptoms can be addressed quickly rather than letting them progress throughout the fall and winter months, she adds.

Exfoliate your skin to keep it clear

Cooler temps mean drier skin. Keep your skin smooth and healthy with a weekly scrub using an exfoliation brush, says celebrity aesthetician Joshua Ross. Exfoliation can be incredibly beneficial, but you’ll want to consider your skin typefor instance, it’s not recommended for those with rosacea. And don’t forget to spread some of the love to your (dry, itchy) scalp as well, using a scalp massage brush in the shower and anti-dandruff shampoo if you’re “snowing” flakes.

Stock up on cold-weather skin care to stay moisturized

You’ll not only want to make sure you’re applying your skin-care routine in the right order, you’ll also want to ensure you’re using the right products for the season. Summer is all about light, protective lotions, while winter requires creamier, more penetrating balms. So what to do about the in-between weather of fall? Your summer skincare may be too drying for what your skin needs now, says Jacqueline Schaffer, MD, author and founder of Schique Skincare. Look for slightly heavier face moisturizers that target dryness and lock in moisture. For cleansers, “a good rule of thumb is to use a non-drying sulfate-free cleanser in the morning and a lightweight lotion-based cleanser at night, depending on skin type,” she says.

Prepare for allergy season

You may feel like you’ve just escaped the pollen-induced snot-fest of spring, but ragweed allergy season is right around the corner, come fall, says Carolyn Dean, MD, author of The Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Women’s Health. Now is the time to talk to your doctor about your particular sensitivities and what you can do to treat them. Stock up on tissues and allergy medicine, much of which is over-the-counter these days. Or you can try a more natural route by drinking plenty of water and supplementing with magnesium citrate, she says.

Drink more water to stay hydrated

You’re constantly being reminded to stay hydrated in the summer, but fall and winter can be just as dry, if not worse, Dr. Schaffer says. That means drink up! Even if you’re not sweating in the sun, your body still needs plenty of fluids to be happy and healthy.

Get your finances in shape

Spend FSA money so you don’t lose cash

Carroll recommends taking a look at your health spending account (HSA) or flexible spending account (FSA)or set one up if you aren’t already taking advantage of this tax break. Both an HSA and FSA allow you set aside pre-tax money in an account to pay for health expenses (including glasses or contacts!). But while the HSA rolls over to the next year, your FSA dollars must be used during the plan year. During fall, tally up how much money you’ve used in your account and plan how you’ll spend the rest before the new year, says Carroll. And don’t forget to submit any reimbursement receipts for costs you’ve covered.

Donate to charity before the end of the year

Helping others is one of the simplest ways to feel happier. And while the benefits of volunteering are endless, both personally and for those you’re helping, they also come with some real financial perks. So not only will donating to a charity improve your mood as we go into the “season of giving,” it may also be eligible for a tax write-off, says certified financial planner Tim Jensen.

Set a holiday budget to avoid hefty bills

The time to set a holiday budget is now, before the holiday shopping madness even begins, says Jensen. Figure out how much you can afford to spend on gifts, parties, holiday clothing or traveland plan to stick to it. You can use budgeting apps to help! If you’re in a relationship, talk with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page, and keep a copy of your budget handy.

Audit bills to save money

Take this fall reset time to look into your spending. You may be paying hundreds of dollars more than you realize for services you rarely or never use. This is especially true if you use auto-pay services for bills or subscriptions (here’s which bills to never put on auto-pay). When you don’t even see the charge, it’s easy to forget it exists, says Jensen. Fall is the perfect time to comb through your bank account and household bills, then cancel subscriptions, unnecessary apps or membershipsespecially any holdovers from the summer.

Reevaluate your career goals to stay on track

Have you had “The Talk” with yourself recently? Fall tends to be the home stretch for work-related goals and accomplishments before annual end-of-year performance reviews. Have you developed good habits working from home? Are you career cushioning? Take the time during your fall reset to review goals and accomplishments and make sure you’re still on track, says Nicole Coustier, business coach and CEO of Aurelian Coaching. This way, you’ll know what you need to prioritize in order to finish the year on a high noteand land that bonus, she says.

Refresh your LinkedIn profile to invite new opportunities

When was the last time you updated your LinkedIn profile? If the answer is . (silence) … then now is the time to get on that, says Coustier. Even if you’re not actively looking for new employment opportunities, it’s still a great way to make connections in your field and stay current on what’s happening.

Consider a second career for some extra cash

Retirement doesn’t always go according to plan (especially if you never made a retirement plan), and one way to offset some costs while staying productive is to consider a second career, says Jensen. Whether that’s working a few hours as a consultant in your field or branching out into something totally new, you can earn a little extra cash, stay mentally sharp, keep physically active and (hopefully) have some fun.

Go on a practice interview to prepare for the real deal

Whether you’re changing careers or just looking for a new position, interviewing can be really nerve-wracking, especially if you haven’t done it in a while. And when you’re anxious, it’s hard to present yourself in the best light, says Coustier. Read up on tips from a hiring manager and things a job interviewer notices about you. Then practice with a friend or loved one. Another option: Consider hiring a career counselor who can walk you through the interview process and give you tips.

About the experts

• Fran Walfish, PsyD, is a parenting expert and leading child, couple and family psychotherapist in private practice in Beverly Hills, California. She is the author of The Self-Aware Parent.
• Nicole Dreiske has 40 years of experience in developing advanced educational strategies. She is an acknowledged pioneer of screen-based educational programs and the founder and executive director of the International Children’s Media Center.
• Kristamarie Collman, MD, is a family medicine physician specializing in preventative health, nutrition and weight management. She is the author of Glow Up Your Life!
• Rachel Rosenthal is an organizing expert and founder of professional organizing firm Rachel and Company.
• Trevor Chapman is a home expert and spokesperson for Farmer’s Insurance.
• Julie Bowman is a certified emergency preparedness specialist and first responder.
• Nancy Irwin, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist. She is also a diplomat for the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress.
• Janine Knighton is the creative director at PuttingAPinInIt.com
• Pat Carroll, RN, is an award-winning writer and author of What Nurses Know and Doctors Don’t Have Time to Tell You. She has also maintained a part-time clinical practice as a trauma nurse, while teaching nurses, respiratory therapists, radiologic technology clinical educators and aspiring health profession teachers.
• Joshua Ross is a celebrity aesthetician and the founder of SkinLab in Los Angeles.
• Jacqueline Schaffer, MD, is a board-certified medical doctor, bestselling author of Irresistible You and founder of Schique Skincare.
• Carolyn Dean, MD, is an expert innutritional therapy. She is the author of more than 50 books, includingThe Magnesium Miracle andThe Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Women’s Health.
• Tim Jensen is a certified financial planner.
• Nicole Coustier is a business coach and CEO of Aurelian Coaching with more than 25 years of experience in government, tech, consulting and patient advocacy.

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Weight isn’t just a number

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Texts are an excellent way to reach out

One in three people in the United States will struggle with depression at some point during their life, and one in eight will have a major depressive episode. It can be hard to knowwhat to say when someone is depressed, so it’s a good idea to have some strategies in place now to support loved ones during a dark time.

“Texting is an easy way to show someone you are thinking about them and you care,” says Fran Walfish, PsyD, a relationship therapist in Beverly Hills. “The very nature of texting makes it ideal because they don’t have to feel pressure to answer in the moment if they’re not feeling up to it, like they would if you called or asked them in person.”

While a text doesn’t replace in-person interactions or phone calls, notes Walfish, they can be one great tool to provide support.

What you shouldn’t say to someone living with depression

When texting or talking with someone about depression or any mental illness, it’s important to follow a fewetiquette rules and avoid some common pitfalls, says psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dave Rabin, MD, PhD, co-founder of Apollo Neuroscience. Even folks who are trying to be kind and loving can easily make these mistakes:

• Offering unsolicited advice. (“Have you tried yoga?”)
• Minimizing their feelings. (“Everyone feels down sometimesit’s not a big deal.”)
• Being forcefully positive. (“Every cloud has a silver lining! Count your blessings!”)

In fact, some of the “polite ways you’re probably talking about mental health are actually rude, and thats not limited to comments about depression.

What to say when someone is depressed

“Depending on their personality, you could text something funny, like a meme about depression,an uplifting quote or a ‘thinking of you’ message,” Walfish says. “Even a simple ‘Hey, just wanted to let you know I love you! How are you feeling today?’ is always great.”

Whatever you choose, focus on listening to their experience, validating their feelings and providing support. The short texts below, provided by Dr. Rabin and Walfish, can open up the lines of communication and let a person living with depression know they aren’t alone.

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How not to be annoying to your friends

When it comes to living a long, healthy and happy life, your relationships are the single biggest factor in how you fare, according to the ongoing Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study of adult health and happiness in the world. And the research isn’t just talking about your romantic partners. In fact, some friendships can be just as, if not more, impactful over the course of your life. So knowing how important our friends are, how do we nurture these relationships and keep them strong? A good place to start is understanding how not to be annoying.

Many of us worry about being a burden to our friends, and the last thing we want to do is push our pals away. (After all, it’s hard enough to make friends as an adult!) But while we don’t go out of our way to be annoying, sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we still do things that can get on other people’s nerves. Thankfully, if your goal is to avoid being that person, there are steps you can take, from learning etiquette rules and etiquette mistakes (like these annoying texting habits) to understanding the polite habits most people dislike.

We asked relationship experts for intel on how not to be annoying and how to strengthen all your friendships. Read on to learn the habits that could be sabotaging your relationshipsand what to do instead.

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Every Uber rider has a story

Uber drivers are highly observant, and they can size you up in a split second. This isn’t about being judgmentaltheir observations give them important intel, says Kelly J., a platinum-level Uber driver in Denver. Similar towhat waitersandflight attendants first notice about you, Uber drivers are looking for some very specific things, and they use this information to figure out which rides to accept, what to expect and how to better serve you. It can also help keep them and you safe.

That said, as long as customers are following some basic etiquette rules, all that people-watching can also be fascinating. Every rider has a story, and getting to hear who people are, what they are doing, where they are going and why is my favorite part of the job,” says Kelly, who has been driving for the company since it first started. “And the longer I do this job, the better I get at noticing the little details about my riders.”

We asked Kelly and other Uber drivers to share what they first notice about their customersand what these observations tell them about you. If youre a regular Uber rider, youll also want to know which seeminglypolite habits Uber drivers actually dislike, as well ashow much to tip your Uber driver.

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The smallest things reveal a lot about you

Bartenders are a combination of mixologist, server, nurse, janitor and therapist, so their people-watching skills are top-notch. “The longer you work this job, the better you get at reading peopleand the more important you realize it is,” says Lea Miner, a bartender at a fine-dining restaurant in Boulder, Colorado. “Understanding the customer not only helps us serve you better, but it’s also fun getting to know people. And it’s somewhat of a legal requirement, because we have to be careful not to over-serve someone who’s already had too much to drink, which means we are definitely paying attention to how you walk, talk and act.”

Similar towhat a waiter first notices about youandwhat a flight attendant first notices about you, the things a bartender initially notices include your attitude, appearance, way of speaking, knowledge ofetiquette rulesand other small details. That includes anyrude habitsyou exhibit and even theseseemingly polite habits bartenders actually dislike.

We asked Miner and other bartenders to share what they first notice about their customersand why these observations are important.

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Camping activities for kids

In 2022, 92 million Americans identified themselves as “campers,” and 58 million households said they go camping at least once last year, according to a camping survey done by KOA. It makes sense! Camping is a great way to get outdoors and spend time with loved ones, plus camping activities allow you to digitally detox and try new adventures.

But while that all sounds great in theory, we’re all so used to living in a nonstop world of Wi-Fi, YouTube and instant gratification that the downtime that comes with camping can feel a little daunting. What do you do with the kids for the two hours it takes to get the Dutch oven dinner cooked (because someone forgot to start the coals early)? Or what do you do with yourself when you wake up at sunrisethere aren’t blackout curtains in the wildernessand your hike isn’t until 9 a.m.?

Regardless of whether you’re camping for beginners, glamping or backpacking Yellowstone, sooner or later you’re bound to need a few camping activities to help pass the time. From camping games to campfire stories, we have you covered to make sure your next trip is your best one yet.

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The strange stigma against getting older

“People have been underestimating me because of my age for decades and saying I should retire,” says Sister Jean Dolores Schmidt, the 104-year-old nun who went viral for her cheerleader-level antics while working as the chaplain for the Loyola University Chicago men’s basketball team. And not only is Schmidt still working as a chaplain, a role she’s held for 29 years, she just published her first book Wake Up with Purpose! What I’ve Learned in My First Hundred Years. And she’s certainly not ready to retire, a suggestion she finds funny. “Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I can’t do things,” she says. “I’ve lived this long because I do things I love.”

Schmidt’s not the only person to encounter these assumptions about getting older. There’s still a strange stigma around ageand we say “strange” because the fact is that we’re all aging from the second we’re born. There’s no escaping aging except, well, dying. And nobody wants that.

Even though we’re all getting older (right now, this very minute!), somehow we never think we’ll be “old.” As a result, ageism runs rampant in society, not to mention in the workplace, leading to some very unprofessional work habits. These ageist attitudes lead to an us-versus-them mentality (hello, baby boomers and millennials), which just continues the cycle of negativity.

How we talk about aging affects how well we age

“Our perceptions of aging and how we talk about it can directly impact our health and others’ health,” says Scott Kaiser, MD, a geriatrician and director of geriatric cognitive health for the Pacific Neuroscience Institute in Santa Monica, California. He explains how:

• Psychologically: People with positive perceptions of aging are more likely to live longer and thrive mentally.
• Behaviorally: People choose to take better care of a body and mind that they love and plan on keeping for a long time.
• Physically: An optimistic perception of aging leads to less stress and less inflammation in the body, which in turn leads to better heart health and a stronger immune system.

OK, so clearly the words we use to talk about aging are important. But even if you’re respectful of older generationsdiscussing the topic of aging with care and never using flat-out offensive termsnavigating this topic is still tricky. Just like with mental health etiquette, it’s not enough to know the etiquette rules and etiquette mistakes. You also need to be aware of polite habits most people dislike, including your choice of words. You may not realize it, but some of the “polite” things you’re saying about aging are actually rude.

We asked Dr. Kaiser, along with belonging expert Ritu Bhasin and several folks over the age of 50, to share what they wish you wouldn’t sayand what to say instead.

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How you talk about mental health matters

TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and the like are full of people talking about mental healthboth those who are experiencing mental-health challenges and experts with letters after their names. This increased awareness is great for changing the conversation around mental health, being more open about these common issues and helping us learnhow to be happier, but when these conversations are done wrong, they can hurt the very people they are meant to help.

“Language, regardless of whether it’s used on social media or in person, is power,” says belonging and leadership expert Ritu Bhasin. “There is an epidemic of stigma around mental illness, and the way we speak about it has the power to either reinforce that or break it.”

Even if youre trying to discuss mental health with care and you would never use flat-out offensive terms, navigating this topic can still be difficult. In fact, some of the “polite” things you may be saying are not as polite as you think they are. So how do you avoid this minefield? After all, the etiquette rules aren’t clear, and they’re different than the rules for even other tricky topics like aging and disability. We asked experts and real-life people with mental-health challenges to share what they wish you wouldn’t sayand what to say instead.

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Campfire stories are for every age and can be about anything from ghosts and goblins to local lore and urban legends. But this tradition of storytelling isn’t just for entertainment. These deceptively simple tales are a way of passing down history, culture and values. You may notice that almost all campfire stories have a moral at the end, used to teach an important life lesson.

These tales can be funny, scary or just plain weirdor all of the above. Seriously, have you heard the one about the bride who won’t untie the yellow ribbon around her neck? If you haven’t, keep reading. We have the yellow ribbon and 17 more of the best campfire storiesand camping songs and moviesto share on your next overnight outdoor adventure.

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Scary campfire stories

Tall tales can be scary, but getting prepared to go camping shouldn’t be. We’ve got you covered with the best tents for camping, best sleeping bags and best camping chairyou know, to relax in while you tell all these scary stories.

Who can you trust?

A small-town man is murdered in the middle of a dark night. No one saw what happened, and the only evidence they have to go on are 10 puncture wounds in his chest. After being blessed by their grandmother, two brothers set out to protect their town. One is attacked by the mysterious killer beast, but the two of them together fight it off. And as the story goes, they discover a horrifying truth about who the monsters in our lives really are. Not going monster hunting alone may not be one of the top camping hacks, but it really should be.

The yellow ribbon

In this classic campfire tale, a young couple falls in love. But as their relationship progresses the woman has a surprisingly odd request: That no matter what happens, no one can remove the yellow ribbon she always wears tied around her neck. The couple marries, has a family and grows old together. Then, one day, she dies and her curious husband decides to finally remove the yellow ribbon

Don’t believe everything you’re told

You visit a psychic at a fair and end up learning something terrifying that happened to you in a previous lifesomething that still haunts you to this day. To convince your listeners, have them become part of the story, and then delight them with a hilarious surprise ending. Just make sure you brush up on your acting skills!

How the 10,000 lakes were made

Local lore has long been shared around the campfire, and it can get more elaborate with each telling. Use this tall tale to explain how Minnesota, the “Land of 10,000 Lakes,” was formed, thanks to a giant moose and a pesky fly. The ending is equal parts icky and funny, leaving your listeners with a shivery laugh. Would you also like to find the best RV parks in every state?

Grandma in the basement (maybe)

Children hear a suspicious rapping noise when the family is cleaning out the house of their dearly departed grandmother. But is she really dead? As this spooky story goes on, they decide to investigate the source of the scary noise only to discover it’s definitely not what you think it will be!

Campfire stories for kids

Camping with kids can be like regular camping, but set to “difficult.” One way to make it a little easier is by making sure you’re stocked up on these car camping essentials, camp cooking, tips and stories the littles will love.

But seriously, where did the pink ping-pong balls go?

It all starts with a son’s strange request for a birthday present: a single pink ping-pong ball. His father obliges himonly to watch in frustration as the mystery deepens over the next decade. Literal truckloads of pink ping-pong balls arrive and disappear, and the father and son’s relationship strengthens. Until you get to this story’s ending, which none of your listeners will be prepared for. Looking for a place to build the ultimate storytelling campfire? Try one of these incredible campgrounds across America.

This gives new meaning to “hacking up a lung”

A man walks past a cemetery, only to be joined by a creepy new friend who lives in a coffin. After a harrowing run, he finally discovers the hilarious thing the ghoul really needed in order to lay down for its eternal rest. This campfire story is perfect if you have little ones who love to be delighted with a scary tale but you don’t want them sleeping in your room every night for the next month.

Whatever you do, don’t touch the purple gorilla

A mysterious, remote cabin. A monstrous, hidden creature. A dire and ultimately unheeded warning. It’s the perfect setup for a terrifying campfire story. And the ending will definitely have you screamingwith laughter. Little ones, especially, will get a kick out of this surprising tale. If your listeners can handle it, share these spooky stories from the world’s most haunted places.

Two rotting heads

In this spooky tale, a New York taxi driveryou could even make him an Uber driver to give the story a modern takepicks up a passenger carrying a strange bag. Throughout the ride, the driver recognizes an increasingly strong smell of decay and rot and begins to panic. After dropping off the passenger, the driver realizes the bag was left behind, and he opens it to find well, we don’t want to spoil your surprise. (Kids who hate veggies will crack up at this ending.)

Puns + exotic animals = the perfect campfire story

This story takes place deep in the heart of Africa, in a battle between a certain hoofed mammal and neighboring humans. Eventually the score is settled, and the moral is summed up in a hilarious punny saying that will have your listeners laughing and rolling their eyes at the same time. And if you come across a different kind of animal on your own camping trip, here’s what to do if you see a bear.

Campfire ghost stories

People who swear they don’t believe in ghosts may be convinced they exist after sharing these stories around a campfire. So get cozy in your camping hammocks or luxury camping cot (for those who like glamping) and check your disbelief.

What color is a ghost’s eye?

A visitor to an old Victorian hotel is given his room key along with some oddly specific instructions: Whatever he does, he’s not to go in one certain room. Of course, this only tantalizes his curiosity, and that night he peers through the keyhole. All he sees is a woman with white skin staring forlornly out the window. Something about her catches his attention, though, so the next night he returns, and what he sees, and where the story goes, will change your perspective on ghosts (and maybe on hotel clerks who give obviously bad instructions).

Mountain man vs. miserly ghost

In an epic battle of wills, children have to fend off the ghost of an old miser in order to win a tempting treasure. This story’s ending will give you a good giggle, but the real humor lies in asking your listeners what they would say to the specious spirit.

When ghosts are helpful

Not all ghosts are bad spirits, as a young couple stranded in the middle of nowhere discovers in this strange tale. After their car breaks down, they seek refuge for the night in a solitary but friendly cottage. The next morning they awake early, leaving some money on the table as a thank you to their hosts. But their hosts aren’t who they first seemed. Who, exactly, did the couple meet?

Funny campfire stories

Whether you’re camping with pets or yurt camping, you’ll get a good chuckle out of these funny (and punny) stories.

Why am I so unlucky?

A man who seemingly has everything goes on a quest to find out why he isn’t content. As the story unfolds, he encounters several plants, animals and other people with similar questions. At last, the man finds God at the end of the world and asks him why they are all so unlucky. His answer will have you chucklingand then questioning your own priorities.

Are you me?

Two coyotes get into an argument over who and what they really are. They decide to let a nearby farmer decide. But even though they hear the same response, they arrive at two very different conclusions. Listeners to this humorous tale will be howling with laughter. (Especially if they’re the parent of more than one child!) You can also get a chuckle out of your tent mates with these funny songs.

Depends on your definition of “lucky!”

Ball pits are a favorite of young children but also a source of worry for parents. Who knows what dangers could be lurking under all those brightly colored balls? This unexpected story turns that worry on its head with a hilarious twist ending.

With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Two friends go hunting in the woods only to suffer a terrible accident. But things really go sideways in this outdoorsy story when one friend calls emergency servicesand then hilariously misinterprets their instructions.

For a stalker, you sure walk really loud

Everyone has had the unnerving experience of walking alone at night and feeling like they’re being followed, but in this creepy tale, the woman finally confronts her stalkeronly to discover that the situation was far different from what she’d imagined. Now, check out the spookiest urban legend from every state.

How to Camp for Free in the U.S.

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How to support teachers the right way

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How do you write a memorable farewell message?

Co-workers can be like family: You support one another, attend functions together, share snacks and fight over the thermostat. Some weeks, you probably spend more time with them than with your actual family. So when a co-worker leaves, for any reason, it can be a big change for all of you. But unlike family, the etiquette rules are different when saying goodbye to a co-worker. You want to congratulate them, wish them luck and let them know youll miss them, but you have to keep it professional. A farewell message for a co-worker will also depend on your recipient, since your message and tone will be different for a boss, a direct report or a colleague on your level. There are also those times you wont miss a co-worker but again, have to keep it appropriate and cordial.

Why should you send a farewell message?

It doesn’t take a lot of words to convey a heartfelt, funny or meaningful farewell message, but it can mean a lot to the person who’s leaving. Simply taking the time to write a nice note can make their life a little brighter. And you never know: Your message just may be the boost your co-worker needs to start this new chapter of their life. Not to mention, it’s good office etiquette.

With a well-written farewell message, you can convey:

• How much you value their contributions
• Gratitude andthank-you messages
• The impact they’ve had on you and the team
• Your desire to maintain a positive professional relationship in the future
• Your support as they make this transition
• Yourwellwishesfor the occasion (retirement, a promotion, taking a different job or being laid off)

Theres a lot of nuance, we know, which is why were here to help you find exactly the right thing to say. Here’s everything you need to send a farewell message to a co-worker.

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How to congratulate someone on a new home

Nothing is as satisfying (or exciting or nerve-wracking) as watching that “For sale” sign come down in front of a house and knowing that it’s now yours! Buying a home is a huge accomplishment, representing years of hard work, saving, strategizing and sacrifice. And whether someone is buying their first home or their forever home, it’s definite cause for celebration. Yes, even if theyre moving away and youll miss them terriblyperhaps especially if thats the case. Whether youre congratulating family members, friends or new neighbors you hope will become good friends, you need the perfect new home wishes to let them know just how happy you are for them.

What should you write in a housewarming card?

You’ll likely want to start with some form of congratulations message, but new home wishes need to go beyond that. They should convey a special blend of pride, happiness, humor and excitement for the future. There arent any hard-and-fastetiquette rules you need to follow, and whether you go with something heartfelt or funny will really depend on your personality and your relationship with the new homeowner. A funny quip can also ease the stress of moving and make them forget about all the boxes they need to unpack at least for a little while.

We have plenty of suggestions for you to find the right words, as well as some suggestions for housewarming gifts theyll absolutely love. Even better? That combo is sure to score you an invite to their place sometime soon!

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The right words for every type of toast

Raising your glass for a toast is a sweet and simple way to bring together a group, offering a little bit of congratulations or a funny quipthat is, as long as you know what to say once your glass is in the air! If you’ve ever blanked when speaking in front of a group of people, you know that giving toasts can be easier said than done.

“Most people default to ‘cheers,’ but that’s a missed opportunity,” says etiquette expert Julian Leaver, founder of The Dapper Diplomat. “There’s so much more you can say when giving toasts, and taking the time to find just the right words can make the toast feel even more special and meaningful.”

From giving awedding toast to the happy couple on their big day to offering a happy birthday message to a friend in a bar, there are a wide variety of situations where you might need to give a toast. In addition to celebrating an event, toasts can be used to show respect, express gratitude, offer encouragement, promote bonding or acknowledge a big life change. And as you might have guessed, there are someetiquette rulesthat you should follow.

What makes a good toast?

A good toast can be funny, sentimental, heartfelt or inspiring, but ultimately the purpose is to promote a feeling of community and camaraderie, says Leaver. Here are some things he recommends when giving a toast:

• Raise your glass to indicate a toast is being given
• Mention the occasion
• Congratulate or thank the person or group
• Add a personal thought
• Keep it short and sweet

Below, youll find a list of short toasts, funnyquotesandIrish blessings to help you find the right words in any situation, from engagements andretirement parties to fun nights out with friends. Whether you want to go sentimental, sweet, straightforward or silly, you’ll find the perfect option on this list. And hey, we’ll drink to that!

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